A Well of Stars
by Abalisk
Summary: Small snippets and side-stories that I've come up with from either comments or prompts on Tumblr for "Flight of the Albatross." Disclaimer: Some of these may or may not be canon.
1. Future Talk

**A/N:** *sarcastically* Oh no, her modesty...

 **My tumbls:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

Ace gave an unmanly squeak when he saw the fabric roll over the taut flesh of her stomach, his face instantly flushing hot. With the first swell of her breast, he remembered his manners, turning around so fast he almost tripped. "W-what are you doing?" he stuttered, unable to keep his voice from cracking, eyes widening as he processed what he just witnessed.

Because while she was wickedly sarcastic and used innuendo like a lethal weapon, this was _Spoons_. She was… She wouldn't…

At the moment, he didn't know what she was.

"I wanted to show you something," she said, voice low and full of hidden promise.

Ace almost spontaneously combusted right there. His body coiled tight like a spring, not knowing if he wanted to stay put or bolt out of there like the devil was on his heels. This was unprecedented. He had no knowledge to fall back to here.

He was sure he was blushing red from his neck to his forehead.

"You can turn around now," she murmured.

Gulping down the nervousness that tightened around his throat like a vice, Ace had a moment of hesitation before he did just that.

And immediately felt cold.

It wasn't like he thought.

Not at all.

"This is the reason I can't join your crew," Spoo— no _Leith_ said, not even looking at him as she bared her back to him, her shirt clutched to her chest to give a semblance of modesty. Her left hand clenched the muscle above her right shoulder, the thin fingers tracing the topmost scar on that side, "What they did to me…" she trailed off, seeming at a loss for what to say.

Ace's eyes followed the lines, his mouth drying with every new intersection. They'd beaten her, tried to break her spirit. That much was clear. He didn't know if it was punishment for going against their orders or her sharp tongue or even if it was simply for their twisted amusement.

Nor did he care.

His crewmate was hurting and he wanted to fix it.

So he reached out and gently brushed the largest scar, the flesh uneven beneath the pads of his fingers.

She yelped in surprise and flinched away, a motion that snapped Ace out of his daze and made him instantly babble a slew of apologies. "S-Sorry! Sorry!" he blurted, darting his hand back, "T-that wasn't—I didn't—" _What the fuck am I doing?!_ Ace wondered, grimacing and shoving his hands deep into his pockets, intent on keeping his damn wandering fingers to himself. "I don't—Sorry. That was… rude."

"It's fine," she huffed, glancing over her shoulder to give him a contrite look of her own, before glancing away again, "You just… startled me. Give me some warning next time."

"Yeah," he agreed, licking his lips nervously before giving the back of her head a frown, "Leith…"

Wide eyes turned to him and for a moment he marveled at how deep the green of her hazel iris looked in the light. She was always scowling or pensive, so her eyes were usually hooded and it was doubly difficult to see when her hat shaded them.

He'd never really noticed before.

"Leith," he said again, stepping closer and keeping eye contact, gauging her reaction as he invaded her space. When she made no move to step away, he moved closer and placed his hands gingerly on her shoulders. She didn't flinch this time. He traced the brand on her left shoulder with his thumb, the bastardized "Claw of the Dragon," and suddenly had a very vivid fantasy of burning every palace in the world. Of going back to Paramour and torching every last crevice, turning the entire island into slag and glass.

But that wasn't what he wanted right now.

"Please don't leave us," he whispered, an unidentifiable emotion swelling in his chest as she looked shamefully away. Gently, he enveloped her in an embrace, his arms encasing her lithe form and drawing her close, the feel of her flesh bare against his eliciting a shiver. She was cold. _How can she stand to be so cold?_ "We'll protect you, I promise."

"I hate being a burden," she breathed, her voice nearly indistinct from the creaking of the hull.

"You aren't." Ace declared, firm. He placed his cheek on the top of her head, smelling the faint aroma of shampoo. He'd seen the way she fought, the way she trained with Pitch. She had the drive to get stronger, and she would. He knew she would. "You're a part of my crew. My family. You could _never_ be a burden."

Her only response was a shuddering sigh.

They stood like that for several minutes, listening to the splash of water, the groans of the ship, and the quiet breaths between them. In the distance there was faint snoring, the sounds of the crew in a deep slumber.

It was interrupted by Ace giving a huge yawn, his jaw popping with the strain.

Leith chuckled. "Tired?"

"Mm," Ace hummed in agreement, heaving a deep breath to sigh only to choke when several very important details he'd forgotten took the moment to remind him, blaring warning sirens in his brain.

First: Leith ( _Spoons, damn it!_ ) was a woman.

Second: She was practically naked right now and was so close they were literally skin to skin.

Third: They shared the same bed, which was only a couple feet away.

And finally: She smelled and felt really… _Really_ … Nice.

Ace leapt back like he'd been burned, flinging his arms wide. "Spoons, put your shirt back on!" he wailed, face aflame in a blush so warm he was sure he was half on fire right now.

Spoons blinked at him nonplussed. "Hah? What's your drama?"

"Nothing! Just—" he paused, words failing him yet again as his arms jerked and gestured unhelpfully.

The smile she gave him was positively evil. "Oh~ I see… I thought you were supposed to be a big bad pirate, Captain. Shouldn't you want girls to be naked in your room?"

"T-that's—" Ace fretted, his shoulders igniting before he tamped down on his powers. What they'd done hadn't been sexual, the words exchanged and the intimate contact had been entirely platonic. But the fact remained that he was a man and well…

His blush, if possible, deepened further.


	2. Girl Talk

**A/N:** In which an awkward conversation ensues...

 **My Tumbls:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

 **Leith POV**

xXx

"Have you ever done… _it_?"

Leith gave the bathhouse divider a glance, there was no way that question was quiet enough to not garner any attention… Plus if things were going to play by manga rules…

Likely they were being eavesdropped on.

 _Oh well._

"Good grief, woman, you're a Nurse—Just _say_ sex," Leith growled, giving the meek woman a scowl.

"Ah! S-sorry!" she bowed, nearly plowing her face into the water as she bent double.

"Don't _bow,_ " Leith grumbled, taking a swig of sake. Which was probably a bad idea, what with the hot water and dehydration but today had been rough. She needed to unwind. "And the answer to your question is 'yes.' Why?"

A faint squeak sounded on the other side of a wall, followed by a resounding splash and struggle. _What was going on over there?_

"O-oh… " the woman said, heedless of the suspicious activity on the men's side of the baths. Ah, to be young and innocent again… She twiddled her fingers shyly, sinking lower into the water, her flushed face deepening in color, "I was just wondering… because you seem to be the most… uhm. T-the most…"

"Slutty?" Leith offered with a raised brow, brandishing the flask.

" _No!_ " she objected, aghast, "That's— I would _never_ —"

"Shit, lady, calm down. I was the one who said it."

The young woman huffed. "I was going to say 'experienced'… it's a nicer word."

"That it is." Leith agreed amiably, tipping back the bottle to drain out the last bitter drops, before sighing and asking, "What do you wanna know?"

The woman squirmed nervously, her body wiggling back in forth in what would have been an enticing and cute manner, if Leith was interested in women. But as it was, she simply admired the way her breasts rolled and undulated together. "What's it like?"

She visibly wilted when Leith snorted and murmured wryly, "I'm not nearly drunk enough for the 'sex talk,' kid."

"But to answer your question," Leith forged on anyway, enjoying the way the woman blinked in confusion at her contrary attitude and smiling when she heard a sputter on the men's side, "It's exciting. Boring. Painful. Rapturous. Frustrating. Satisfying. Sweaty. Messy. Awkward. Hilarious. And a plethora of other dictionary definitions that I can't quite think of right now."

"Uhm…" the nurse started, blinking and pursing her lips, "A lot of those were… _contradictory_. And did you say it was painful?"

"Yep," Leith said with a pop of her lips, swiping another sake bottle from the tray, "Usually, it's only the first or second time though, after that it gets easier. And more _fun,_ " she purred.

"So… You've—" the woman faltered, unsure. Then asked with an embarrassed squeak, her eyes scrunched shut, "H-how many people have you been with?"

Leith chortled, cracking open the seal on the jug and giving it a deep swig. "It's funny that you assume I'm some sort of promiscuous veteran. I've only been with one man long term. Sure, when I was a teen I messed around, but it wasn't serious and I always kept my pants on."

"B-but at the bar—A-a-and those women— "

"You ever heard the phrase, "Fake it til you make it?"" Leith interrupted, drumming her fingers along the side of the pool.

The young woman looked unsure. "Uhm… no?"

"It basically means, if you aren't sure you can do something, pretend you do, until you get enough experience that you make it real," Leith explained, swirling the jug absentmindedly.

The woman blinked hard, her brain processing that tidbit of information like a mill. And once she understood, her eyes lit up in understanding. "So… are you saying that you're faking it? It's all an act?"

Leith snapped her fingers and pointed at the woman. Winking. "Got it in one, doll."

"What?!" Someone, probably Ace ( _and someone else?_ ), barked from the other side.

The poor woman looked so startled, her eyes flung wide, a meek _meep_ escaping her lips. "T-t-they were l-listening?!"

"Duh." Leith deadpanned, blinking as a wave of dizziness hit her. _Ah, the alcohol is kicking in._ She grinned in feral glee. "What? I thought your were just being uncharacteristically bold… Don't tell me you didn't think the boys _wouldn't_ eavesdrop on our little… _conversation_?" Leith sipped the pitcher loudly, giving the woman a meaningful look.

She squirmed again, her face so red it could have been used as a street sign. "I-I… no…"

Leith patted her on the head even as she grinned wickedly. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, darling. It's all natural." In a more serious tone, she added, "You should be able to ask your seniors questions like this… it's safer that way."

The woman nodded, the lower half of her face submerged in the water as she digested those words. After a moment of quiet, and Leith finishing yet another pitcher of sake, the woman took a breath and asked with determination, "So… you and Commander Ace—"

Leith roared with laughter before the woman could even finish her question, at the same time as the loud protest on the other side of the wall, and raucous laughter of the other men. _Good lord, how many of them were over there?_ Someone was trying to wrestle down Ace as the man attempted to… do _something_. She wasn't sure what he would do, but Leith was certain it would have been mortifying… for him. Oh, and the little nurse too…

Probably for the best that the other man intervened.

"Just cuz we share a bed don't mean we're fucking," Leith stated casually with a chuckle, resting her cheek on the palm of her hand, watching as the young woman in front of her tried her damned best to spontaneously combust on the spot.

"Do you _have_ to say it like that?!" Ace wailed, to the choir of even more laughter.

"Hush you, this is girl talk!" Leith barked a reprimand in turn, grinning like a madwoman.

Somewhere, she heard a faint "Gurarararara!"

* * *

 **Ace POV**

xXx

"Have you ever done… _it?"_

The entire male side of the bathhouse stilled into a hush at the statement, all ears trained on the conversation from the girl's side. Ace choked, his face flushing at the innocently posed question. _What the hell is that girl thinking? Oh shit, Spoons is going to eat her alive! I gotta stop this!_

Ace hastened to step out of the pool, the moving water keeping him from being crippled by the effects of his Devil Fruit, but was halted by a hand on his shoulder. He looked over to see Marco, the blond man still seated along the lip of the bath, placing a single finger to his lips, grinning. A silent order to keep quiet.

 _What?_

"Good grief, woman, you're a Nurse—Just _say_ sex," they heard Spoons growl, and Ace visibly relaxed, the men around him giving a few quiet chortles at the blunt woman. Guess, he shouldn't have worried.

Only for Ace to stiffen again when she said after some quiet mumbles and a beat of pause, "And the answer to your question is 'yes.' Why?"

Ace squeaked and toppled into the pool, the water engulfing him. He was surprised. He hadn't known that. Though, now that he thought about it, he felt foolish because it made complete sense… Spoons had teased him for the longest time about being a virgin, all up until he wasn't anymore.

Actually she still teased him on acting like one…

When he surfaced, he caught the last part of Spoons sentence. "–it is." A beat of pause and a sigh. "What do you wanna know?"

"What's it like?"

The silence around him was profound.

He heard Spoons snort, amused. She always seemed to find humor in the strangest places. "I'm not nearly drunk enough for the 'sex talk,' kid," she said wryly.

Ace let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and he sunk down deeper into the water. This entire conversation was going to give him a heart attack. It was bad enough they were having it with nearly every division commander listening in, and _then some_. Thatch was looking entirely too gleeful for his liking.

He needed a drink.

Taking the bottle Marco offered him, Ace took a deep draft. _This is just too much–_

"But to answer your question," Spoons said and Ace promptly spit out his mouthful. He didn't quite hear the next part, too busy trying not to hack up his lungs as he coughed, the alcohol burning his chest. He couldn't _believe_ she was going through with it!

When he finally caught his breath, he heard the young woman ask, "And did you say it was painful?"

 _Oh god._

"Yep," Spoons said with inappropriate cheer, seemingly unbothered by the cringe-worthy question. "Usually, it's only the first or second time though, after that it gets easier. And more _fun~"_

That last part was purred with far too much husky inflection and sinful glee, making Ace involuntarily shiver. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Izo and Tex drain the entirety of their pitchers in one long draw _._ Several others followed suit, their faces tinged pink.

Ace wasn't too surprised. A lot of these men saw Spoons as a little sister, he was sure they didn't want to hear about her sexual exploits.

 _Well some of them don't._ He glowered at Thatch and Marco, who both seemed immensely entertained. Though Marco just seemed genuinely amused, while Thatch had a perverse expression on his face.

"H-how many people have you been with?"

Ace's eyes bugged out.

Spoons' laugh was deep and knowing, full of dark promise. Ace felt the water start to bubble around him as the temperature climbed, Jozu hissed and retracted his feet.

"It's funny that you assume I'm some sort of promiscuous veteran." Spoons murmured. And Ace blinked at the statement, because that was news to him. "I've only been with one man long term. Sure, when I was a teen I messed around, but it wasn't serious and I always kept my pants on."

That… was actually really surprising.

What was even more shocking however, was when Spoons fully admitted that her flirting was staged. An act.

Several men, including himself, couldn't help the exclamation of "What?!" that burst from their lips, blowing their cover. Understandably, the young woman flipped out.

Spoons, however, took it in stride, because of course she did. It was like she was expecting it actually. Ace was beginning to think she never got embarrassed by anything sexual. Oh sure, they could tease her about her fear of deep water and centipedes but otherwise she was unflappable.

She didn't even care that they were eavesdropping.

Then came the straw that broke the camel's back.

"So… you and Commander Ace—"

Ace's protest was drowned out by the roars of laughter everywhere, Spoons awful cackle included in the mix. He tried to escape. No way in hell was he sticking around for this conversation. Or letting it continue for that matter! Spoons embarrassed him enough as it was.

However, he was thwarted by both Marco and Thatch tackling him into the water, twin smirks on their faces.

"What's the matter, Fire Fist, can't take the heat?" Thatch whispered, a big shit-eating grin on his face, his arm wrapping him in a headlock.

Marco stood nearby with his hands on his hips, his lips quirking in amusement, murmuring in a faux chiding tone, "Yeah, Second-Division Commander, do you have anything you want to tell us, yoi?"

Ace made a inarticulate gurgle and struggled.

"Just cuz we share a bed don't mean we're fucking," Spoons informed everyone, her tone laced with wry amusement. Ace felt his face flush.

Because at that moment… he realized _they could_.

Leith was a beautiful woman, who often deigned not to wear pants in public. Stripped in front of him if he didn't get out of the room fast enough. Teased him in a sensual voice…

Her skin was like silk.

 _NO, BAD THOUGHTS!_

"Do you _have_ to say it like that?!" Ace wailed, his voice hoarse from embarrassment, desperation, and slight arousal. He couldn't help but think about those slim legs…

"Hush you, this is girl talk!" she snipped, and Ace whined when he heard Pops laughing somewhere in the background.

 _Damn it all to hell!_


	3. Just Admiring the View

**A/N:** Law... Law _NO!_

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

Law watched as the white-haired woman strode confidently across the deck, her hips swaying enticingly as she approached Straw Hat-ya. The mischievous smile on her full lips and the flash of those hazel eyes made her appear dangerous, sending a thrill down his spine.

She had the presence of a predator.

He licked his lips.

"The hell are you staring at," a viscous snarl interrupted his musings and Law peered under the brim of his hat to glance up.

Fire Fist Ace glowered down at him, his dark eyes practically burning with disdain, arms crossed. A muscle along his pectoral jumped sporadically as his muscles tightened, a sure sign of his agitation.

Normally, Law would have stood at least a couple inches taller than the man, but since Fire Fist-ya seemed to be showing off an aggressive display, he thought it prudent to stay crouched were he was. Small and nonthreatening.

 _For now._ He clenched _Kikoku's_ sheath in reassurance.

"Just admiring the view," Law said easily, smirking when Fire Fist-ya's eye twitched, shooting a glance at Lee-ya before pinning him with a glare. _Interesting._ "There's nothing wrong with that is there?"

"I can name a few," came the growling reply, the man's face pinching even further into a scowl, "There isn't anything to admire."

"Oh, I beg to differ~" Law argued, shooting a significant look over at Lee-ya as she danced around Straw Hat-ya, her flexible body contorting into impressive positions, her grin feral as they sparred. His mouth watered. "Does she always go pants-less."

"That's none of your business," Fire Fist-ya rumbled, and Law felt the temperature rise.

 _So, that's a yes,_ Law thought, a pleased smile curving his lips even as he wrenched the brim of his hat down, cutting the woman off from his sight. That level of flexibility was just sinful. And the knowledge that she wasn't shy about putting her assets on display made her all the more enticing…

Law realized then, that he was extremely jealous of Fire Fist-ya, the lucky bastard.

The atmosphere around them normalized, Fire Fist-ya apparently calming down after he covered his eyes. Law had to admit, it was somewhat endearing how possessive the man was, yet deferred to nearly every one of her whims despite his own misgivings. Fire Fist-ya was loyal, he'd give him that.

 _But is Lee-ya just as loyal?_ he wondered.

"So~" Law began, dragging out the word to get his attention.

The other man shot him a frown.

"Is she available?"


	4. Orange Mask

**anonymous asked:**  
 _"Hey I like your side stories especially seeing an awkward ace being used as the butt of never ending joke. Can the next story you do be like a guy talk between ace and the crew or something with fluff. Can't wait for more."_

 **My Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

Rook stared intently at the splotchy orange mask he picked up in Paramour, turning the lion-like plate over in his large hands and running his fingers over its features. His expression was somewhat closed, but fond, as if he was remembering something.

Ace strode over and hopped onto the railing to sit next to him. "Gonna send that to your daughter?"

The man's mane of dark curls bobbed as he nodded.

"How old is she now?" Ace wondered aloud, kicking his feet against the hull. He waited in silence for a moment, just soaking in the atmosphere and the spray of the sea. Rook was a quiet man by nature, so he sometimes took a while to respond. Especially when he was deep in thought.

"Six," came the whispered reply.

Ace hummed thoughtfully, and took in a deep breath. "You know… we can swing by if–"

"No."

Short. Succinct. Rook was never a man to mince words. His tone still held a wistfulness to it though, and Ace's lips thinned at it.

It wasn't fair.

"They shouldn't keep you from your wife and kid just because you didn't want to take over the family business," Ace growled, becoming surely. He dug his pinky into his nose, a gesture he learned from the Shitty Gramps when he was being particularly ornery. He flicked away what he found. "Your sister does a great job."

Rook just hummed in response. Noncommittally. It was his way of telling Ace that it wasn't any of his damn business.

"Fine. Fine," Ace grumbled, waving a hand, "I still think it's bullshit but it's your business… Did they send you a picture this time?"

The swordsman offered a tiny slip of photography paper. Ace leaned back to view it in the man's meaty palm.

"Ahaha! Oh man, look at that tooth gap!"

Rook just grinned proudly.


	5. Hey Dad?

**anonymous asked:  
** _"Y know If Leith does get knocked up in future she'll probably tell the news in a way only she can pull off. Maybe something like hey pops, Marco what the protocol for when someone needs medical leave because flamebrain just got me knocked up. Insert crew reaction followed by fainting or frozen daddy to be"_

 **Me:  
"**Probably not that crass, but she certainly wouldn't be subtle."

 **My Tumbls:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"Hey, Dad?"

Whitebeard glanced down at his smallest daughter, her tiny hands poised on her hips and her head cocked to the side to look at him. She was always like that. Contrary. Refusing to call him 'Pops' or 'Old Man' like the rest of the crew and instead using a word he'd seldom heard. It seemed to have meaning to her though, so he accepted it.

"What is it, my dear?'' he rumbled, noticing her stiff stance. She was nervous about something.

Only her mouth didn't seem to catch the memo, because it bulldozed forward with her usual gusto. "What's your policy on grandkids?"

The deck fell silent.

"Why?" he heard Marco say in a tight voice, managing to make it a statement rather than a question.

"Why not?" Leith retorted with a bark before giving her full attention to him again, "I feel like it's an important question."

"I would welcome them of course," Whitebeard said, stroking his mustache thoughtfully as he eyed Leith suspiciously, "We even have an undisclosed island to keep them safe if need be. Why?"

"Oh, that's good then," she replied with a smile, her body visibly relaxing before she swung about and sauntered away, calling over her shoulder, "Congratulations, Gramps."

It was so quiet they could have heard a pin drop.

Then…

 _ **Thump.**_

"Pops! Ace fainted!"

"Marco," Whitebeard growled, his body starting to shake.

"I'll bring her back, Pops," his oldest son drawled, darting after the tiny woman who was already making a break for the interior of the ship.

Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"GURARARARARA! GET BACK HERE YOU, BRAT! GURARARARARA!"


	6. Glass Vase

**anonymous asked:  
** _"Just read that maybe future excerpt of ace and the wbs getting a additional member. Him fainting I could imagine leith thinking 'he took that better than I thought.' Now she has suffered through him being a clingy jealous bastard before and after they hooked. So what would she put up with now she pregnant? Also I can imagine the wbs hounding his ass for who gets to be The Godfather while Whitebeard laughs his ass off"_

 **My Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

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"Ace, I'm pregnant, not a bloody glass vase. Calm your tits."

Ace frowned at Spoons unamused, as her rotund form stepped easily down the stairs. He was worried. She just looked so unbalanced and coupled with the pinched expression on her face every time she took a step, her feet were swollen again. He'd heard horror stories about women falling down the stairs because they weren't used to the added weight and–

"Honey, seriously, your going to give yourself an ulcer," Spoons said dryly, pinching his cheek as she passed. He grabbed her hand before she could pull away, and she smoothed the rough treatment into a gentle caress.

He sighed. "I know, but I just– What if there's an accident and–"

"You do remember I still chucked Haruta half an island away when he claimed I needed to just sit down like a brood hen right?" Spoons growled.

Ace winced. Yeah, he remembered that. Pops may have taken her off of the active duty roster on maternity leave, but that didn't mean she couldn't pack a punch. She was still more than capable of handing someone their ass if they pissed her off.

"I just don't want anything bad to happen," he admitted, leaning down to tap his forehead against hers.

"With every man and woman clamoring like a flock of geese to be claimed as the Godparents, I don't think that's going to be a problem," she said drolly.

Ace groaned, pinching his brow, "Don't remind me."

"Just ask Dad to make them lay off," Spoons chuckled.

"Pops thinks its _funny._ "

She shrugged, apparently unbothered by his predicament. He wouldn't be surprised if she thought it was funny too. "Then choose someone outside the crew…"

He frowned, furrowing his brows. _That's a thought…_ Out loud he asked, "Who would you suggest?"

"Someone intimidating enough that they would think twice…" Spoons hummed thoughtfully, then her expression brightened and she shot him a mischievous glance.

Ace got the distinct feeling he wasn't going to like this idea of hers.

"Do you think Law would be up to the challenge?"


	7. Don't Miss a Thing

**anonymous asked:  
** _"Headcanon: when skylar is born ace is always hovering around her just so he doesn't miss anything. Leith finds it very endearing."_

 **My Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

Ace's eyes drooped heavily, his chin dropping to his chest before snapping to attention again. He was so tired, but the little bundle on his chest continued to gurgle and make quiet snuffling noises.

He didn't want to miss any of it.

A throaty chuckle sounded nearby and Ace blinked hard, not realizing that he'd closed his eyes for a moment. "You know she's not going to disappear if you put her down and get some sleep, Ace."

Turning to address the speaker, Ace gave a slow grin, his head feeling a bit woozy as he rocked the chair back and forth. "Hey, beautiful."

Spoons huffed a quiet laugh, striding over to card her hands through his hair. Ace groaned at the contact, his head tilting back and his eyes sliding shut. "You're going crash if you keep this up, love," she admonished, giving him a little peck on the forehead, "You've been up all night."

"But she's–" Here he yawned, his jaw cracking with the force of it. "–she's awake now…" Ace protested, half wanting to bat her hands away so those fingers of hers don't force him to sleep, while the other half was more than willing for her to keep going, "I don't want to miss anything…"

His hand idly patted his Little Sky's back, her tiny fists clenching and a wide yawn of her own squeaking out.

There was a bit of drool on his chest, but he didn't care…

xXx

Leith smiled, watching as Ace's rocking ceased and his eyes finally stayed shut. She brushed his hair a little longer, just in case. And it wasn't until the sound of a snore rumbled in his throat that she stopped.

She peeked down at Skylar and almost melted at the little wheeze of a snore her daughter released.

Like father, like daughter.


	8. Lingerie Shop

**A/N:** Started as a random text prompt to be fit into a small excerpt... I actually don't remember which one it was at this point..

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"For the hundredth time, I'm not your babysitter," Leith growled, her eye twitching in annoyance as she tipped back the carafe of sake to take a deep draft.

The teen objected immediately, "But Lady Leith, I don't want to go al–"

"Call me 'Lady' again and I'm going to break this pitcher over your skull," she threatened, brandishing the bottle she just emptied threateningly at the girl. Leith hadn't the slightest idea where the adolescent got the idea to call her that, but she was going to nip it in the bud right the fuck now.

Cheeks puffing indignantly, the teen gave a sigh and tried again in her proposition, "Lad–" at Leith's scowl, she hastily corrected herself, " _Miss_ Leith, please come with me to the– t-the–"

Her face blushed bright pink.

Leith rolled her eyes, praying to some sort of deity– _any god please_ –to give her patience. "The lingerie shop?" she finished for her. _Loudly._

The patrons of the bar stilled to a hush at the announcement.

Flushing a crimson so deep it could have allowed her to blend into a barn wall, the embarrassed girl gave a quiet nod.

"Fucking hell, do you want me to hold your hand?"


	9. Don't Shut Me Out

**A/N:** Started as a random text prompt to be fit into a small excerpt... I actually don't remember which one it was at this point..

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"Oh, fuck off!" Leith spit, rolling over so that she cocooned herself further into the blankets. Blocking him from view.

"You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it!" Ace all but shouted, his voice tinged with fear and frustration. He hated seeing her like this, but she was too damn stubborn to sit up and talk about it. She needed to let go of this burden.

 _Not that I'm much better,_ he admitted sardonically, sighing and resting his forehead against the mattress, staring at her back sadly.

"Trust me," she growled, "you don't want to know and you can't _fix it._ "

Hesitantly, Ace raised a hand and placed it on her arm, disliking the subtle flinch at his unexpected touch. He didn't like that she was always on guard. That she couldn't feel safe in her own room. On her own ship. Her own crew…

That she couldn't feel safe with him.

"Don't shut me out," he whispered, giving the limb a gentle squeeze, " _Please._ "


	10. Strip Poker

**A/N:** Another text prompt but I definitely remember that this one was the first line. :D

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"We're not playing strip poker. I don't care what I said when I was drunk!" Ace objected, the red flush of his face now reaching his chest as Leith leaned forward with a predatory grin.

"What's the matter?" she cooed, making a low clucking noise, "You chicken, Captain?"

The other women already sitting at the table giggled amongst themselves, whispering and pointing fingers.

Ace sputtered, offended. "I–You–Don't try to bait me into doing what you want!" he accused, the urge to… do… _something!_ He had to do something to shut her up!

He just wasn't sure what it was yet…

Spoons eyebrow rose suggestively and she gave him a thorough calculating glance from head to toe that made him distinctly uncomfortable. "You'd know all about _'bating_ wouldn't you?"

He frowned thunderously, this felt like a trap.

Also, there was another meaning there…


	11. Centipedes

**A/N:** FYI... I hate centipedes in real life. They are super gross.

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"That wasn't very subtle," Leith snarled down at him. Wanting nothing more than to dive down and bean him in the nose with a well placed heel.

But there was no way in hell she was going down there… Not with that… that– that _thing_ , lurking in his hands.

"Aw, come on Spoons! It's not going to bite you," Ace teased, rolling the _vile creature_ around in his hands, giggling at the multitude of legs that skittered and wiggled and _**OH GOD**_ _SHE WAS GOING TO HURL!_

"How do I even put up with you?" she gurgled weakly, her throat making an interesting noise as she forced herself to look away from the threat. It was just so gross… _How could he stand having that thing in his hands?!_

"Don't be a chicken, Spoons! You gotta get over this irrational fear somehow," he called, trying to reach her, even as she gripped the tree trunk tighter and scrunched her eyes closed.

"I said get rid of it," she snipped in an acid tone.

Screw it all, this whole island could **burn**.

God, she hated centipedes.


	12. Play Dead

**A/N:** Oh man I forgot, how many of these I did...

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"I thought you were dead!" Ace crowed, swinging the diminutive woman around enthusiastically like a rag doll, her face pressed tightly to his chest as her legs flailed about uselessly.

Leith beat against his collarbone in a futile effort to get him to let go, the need to breath was becoming a bit urgent. _If he keeps this up I'm gonna die for real!_ she thought with mild concern, trying to mumble something– _anything_ – to get him to pay attention.

Absently, she noted that it wouldn't be such a bad way to go getting smothered in a man's muscular chest.

She went limp like a wet noodle.

Because when in doubt: play dead.


	13. Intimidate Check

**A/N:** In which Leith rolls a 20.

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

"You're a dork, just like your father!"

Leith turned to shoot the insult a raised brow, staring down from her perched position on Jozu's shoulder at the cocky little shit that thought it'd be a good idea to insult a Yonko.

She snorted at the sight. A teenager that thought he was tough shit, trying to prove that he was a big tough man.

Well, she had something to say to that.

Leaping down, Leith positioned herself in such away that she used his neck as an anchor point to swing around him in an arc and trap him into a tight headlock.

And if his face was strategically placed into the swell of her left breast, all the better for him.

"Hey~ Darlin,' let Auntie Leith teach you a thing," she purred, grinning salaciously when his face turned an interesting shade of pink, his eyes apparently struggling to decide if he should focus on her face or the fact that her shirt was about to burst at the seams.

"Now, I know you think your the biggest baddest boy at the ball, but I got some criticisms you need to hear," Leith rasped, tightening her hold when he attempted to struggle.

"First: Get some new duds, small time, no one's going to take you seriously in board shorts, a fanny pack, and a sunhat. What are you a fucking tourist?"

"Second: Your insults suck, learn some vocabulary. Get creative. Calling someone a 'dork' as your punchline is fucking lame."

"And Third…" Here she leaned in, her lips close to the shell of his ear, whispering in a seductive tone, "If you so much as even think to use these skills I taught you to bully others like I saw you do to that child earlier, I'm going to hunt you down and _snap your coward spine in half._ Savvy?"

The look the boy shot her was one of such unbridled terror, that Leith couldn't help but chuckle a bit evilly at the sight, forcing him to pale further.

He dropped like a rock the moment she let go.


	14. Uncle Poopy

**A/N:** Alternatively: The Day Ace Actually Considers Fratricide

 **Tumblr:** fanfiction-by-abalisk

* * *

Skylar stared with blank fascination at the grinning face in front of her.

"Hi! I'm your Uncle Luffy! I'm gonna be King of the Pirates! Do you poop?"

Ace punched his idiot brother's head, the man's skull rattling about like a bobble-head. An action that made his daughter fall into a fit of squealing excited laughter, which kind of softened his next admonishing words. "Idiot! Of course, she's a freaking baby! Don't ask stupid questions…"

"Shishishishi~ Sorry Ace," Luffy said, not really sounding sorry in the least, turning back to his niece, he crouched down to her level and urged, "Alright! Say: Luffy!"

"Aah" she shrieked, raising her arms enthusiastically.

Marco, who'd been lurking nearby, snorted at the straw-hatted boy's effort. "Do you have any idea how many of us have been trying to get her to say some variant of our names? She's probably so confused she won't get it right for a long while."

Ace agreed. The amount of hounding his cute little daughter had was both endearing and astounding all the same. Still, he wouldn't mind if somehow Luffy managed to weasel a word out of her that wasn't just screeches or repeats of "ma" and "da."

He smiled as Luffy staunchly ignored Marco, determined to prove him wrong. Sky seemed to be quite taken with his youngest brother, responding to his patient pronunciation of "Luffy" with various calls and whoops. She seemed to be having fun, her little feet thumping against the deck. Ace had to admit ( _grudgingly_ ) that she did look pretty damn cute in the snow leopard onesie that her Godfather ( _shit he still couldn't believe Law even agreed_ ) got for her.

His eye twitched though when he noticed one of the spots was suspiciously shaped like the Heart Pirates' _Jolly Roger_.

He was going to have to singe that one off.

"Poo?" Skylar questioned, stubbornly trying to pull her uncle's finger into her mouth.

Luffy giggled at the word childishly, but forged on with astounding patience, "Close! Now, come on. On three you gotta say it. One. Two. Three. Luffy!"

"POOPY!" she cheered.

Everyone in the vicinity froze.

Ace felt like the entire world tilted on its axis, his brain momentarily flat-lining at the news. _This can't be it. This can't be my daughter's first word…_

Then he went into full panic mode.

Shoving his brother roughly aside, he grabbed his precious little girl's head into his palms, mashing her chubby cheeks together. "Don't do this to Daddy, baby! Come on! Say _Luffy_!"

Skylar blinked at him for a stunned moment, before the tiny squished lips turned up into a smile. Her eyes lighting up in understanding. Ace loved her, truly she was the cutest, smartest, most precio–

"Poopy~"

[ _In the background Spoons had completely lost her shit, cackling loudly about "Nothing but the best for our child" and repeating "Uncle Poopy" in increasingly hysterical tones. She couldn't be trusted anymore. She was a traitor to his cause._ ]

Carefully, Ace bundled up his daughter, staunchly trying to ignore his darling child's repeated mantra of "poopy poopy poopy" as he walked over to an equally somber Marco. In a quiet voice he asked, "Hey, Marco?"

"Yeah?"

Ace offered Skylar to him. "Hold my baby."

"I gotch'yur baby, bro," he stated, swaddling her close to his chest.

"Luffy," Ace announced, his shoulders stiffening and his hands slowly tightening into fists.

"Huh?"

Ace cracked his knuckles, slowly turning to glare over his shoulder at the younger man. Murder in his eyes.

" **Run."**

His fists ignited.


	15. He's Pampering Me

**A/N: In which, Ace can't help a little jealousy~**

* * *

"He's pampering me, let him be," Leith mumbled, completely relaxed while her foot was currently clutched in the skilled hands of the notorious "Surgeon of Death." Law's face was strangely concentrated on the task, his face pinched into a frown as he focused on working his thumbs through the tender flesh.

Ace scowled at the scene. _He_ was the one who was supposed to take care of his wife. Soothe all of her aches and carry her burdens during this difficult time.

Not _this_ jackass.

But Leith told him if he kept up the jealous bullshit like he had prior to their relationship becoming official, she was going to make him eat his own asshole.

Or something along those lines.

And while, yes, it was very likely she wouldn't follow through with that threat to the "T," it was still an admonishment he took to heart. She'd been right, he shouldn't have acted the way he did. It was wrong and borderline–if not actually–emotional abuse. He should trust her.

Still, it didn't stop the twinge of annoyance that shot through him when Law gave him a smirk.

Asshole.


	16. Queen of Spades

**A/N: Tumblr Prompt**

 **anonymous asked: **Headcanon: When spoons get a bounty, her nickname will be queen something after one of the crew says sarcastically says as the queen demands****

* * *

Leith rose a brow at her bounty poster and couldn't help but snort at the title. "Queen of Spades, huh? Well, isn't that just ostentatious…?"

Tex peeked over her shoulder at the paper, scratching at his stubble, bemused. "I suppose it's fitting, since you _are_ the only woman on our crew."

She snorted, tossing the newspaper with a careless flourish and leaning back in her chair. "Yeah, sure… Queen of Shovels. How noble," she muttered sarcastically, throwing her hands up in the air in a grand sweeping gesture, her voice taking on a salesmen's pitch, "We got your surplus here! Shovels for days. Buy! Buy! Buy! Pay premium price and we'll dig your grave for you!"

Ace chortled, planting his cheek on his fist to give her a cheeky grin. "Who needs shovels when you have a Spoon?" he teased.

Somewhere nearby, Rummy howled with appreciative laughter. Tex groaned.

Shooting Ace a glower, Leith's lip curled as she growled, "Just for that… Get. _Out._ "


	17. Mermay I Have Another?

**A/N:** A Mermaid AU created for the month of May.

Leith's Mermaid tail is based upon the Clown Triggerfish.

* * *

Ace sighed.

He kicked the side of the _Moby Dick,_ his boots thumping against the hull.

Ace sighed again.

He was bored. The day was completely calm, not a breeze to be felt. The sun beating down relentlessly. And he was stuck on fishing duty.

He went to sigh yet again, but was cut off by a bait fish smacking him in the face.

"Shut the hell up, Ace!" Thatch barked, annoyed probably just as much, if his drooping pompadour was anything to go by. He'd stripped down to his pants, the chef uniform too warm to wear in the stifling heat.

"But I'm freaking _bored!_ " Ace groaned, wilting so that his back arched down to the deck, the fishing pole still clutched in his hand.

"You're the only one unaffected by the heat, and we don't have any meat in storage, because _someone's_ a bottomless pit!" Thatch shouted.

Ace grumbled, but didn't dispute the claim, knowing that their lack of food was his fault. It's why he volunteered in the first place, to catch the large crew some grub.

Only…

Nothing was biting.

There were tons of little finger fish swimming around the middle layer of the sea, perfect for using as bait and easy to catch, as Namur proved when he hauled up a little net full of the wriggling buggers. But it was like every other larger beast had fled the surface, trying to escape the stifling heat just as much as Thatch and the rest of the crew.

Now if only it was less bori–

His fishing pole flinched.

Ace jolted upright, adrenaline pumping. He wasn't imagining things was he? He was immune to the heat so he shouldn't be having hallucinations.

The pole jolted again, bowing significantly.

With a whoop he wrangled the line, cranking on the heavy duty reel as the spool buzzed and whirred. He caught something alright and while it didn't feel like it was anything large, it at the very least was _something._ Thatch crowed encouragement beside him, already clutching a harpoon, ready even while caught up in the excitement and Ace couldn't help but grin. _Finally all that waiting is going to pay off!_

There was a loud splash as whatever he caught broke the surface, and Ace gave a mighty yank, closing his eyes as he strained to pull their meal ticket up the towering height of the _Moby Dick's_ hull.

He heard Thatch ready his harpoon.

Ace cracked an eye open to see–

 _Boob._

Ace blinked, staring at the very un-fish-like chest that was wobbling in front of his face. His brain took a few stunned moments to realize what exactly he was looking at _(that's not dinner)_ , and once it did his cheeks burned hot when it registered he was staring at a woman's bare breast. Gulping audibly, he tore his gaze away and gaped at the scrunched up face of a white-haired woman with a prominent scar across her nose, her eyes squeezed shut as she staunchly gripped the fishing hook with both hands.

One of her eyes peeked open, searching surreptitiously about before they both opened with a snap, a grin splitting her face.

"My hero!" she crowed and tackled him chest first, her arms wrapping around his head to mush his face into her ample bosom, throwing them both to the deck.

"Oh, it was awful!" the woman lamented with a sniff, hugging Ace's head to her breasts and wiggling, "I was just minding my own business, sunning myself on a nice secluded rock, when this _nasty unholy beast_ came out of the sea and started chasing me!"

"Get off me, lady!" Ace squeaked, his face nearly catching itself alight as he felt her cool, damp, and stupidly soft chest rub up against face.

Thatch wasn't any help, just standing there gawking like a fish out of water.

"I'm not the fastest swimmer," she continued with a whine, heedless of the man's dilemma, "So when I saw your hook I thought it'd be my only chance… _Ohh,_ I hope it goes away! I even had to leave my clothes behind!" The woman wiggled again in apparent disgust and distress.

This of course had the effect of mushing his face even more into her chest.

Distracting to be sure, only something else felt off when her hips shimmied about.

Jerking out of her grasp, Ace stared down at the woman's lower half and openly stared.

A black fish tail, with large white spots on the underside, started at the woman's hips and curled underneath her. She had yellow highlights starting at the base of her fins and along the spine, speckled intermittently with more black.

She was a _Mermaid._

"You–"

Another splash interrupted Ace, followed by a bellowing roar that echoed over the water. Everyone present whipped their heads around to see the source of the noise, tensing when a looming figure rose over the railing.

A series of teeth and mandibles greeted them, the long green armored body of a Giant Sea Centipede wriggled it's numerous tiny fins at them. Lantern eyes glaring down at them with hunger.

The Mermaid shrieked.

"KILL IT, IT'S EVIL!"

* * *

Ace crunched down on the segment of Sea Centipede, the carapace cracking easily under his jaws, spitting out the hard armor when he sucked all the meat off it. It had a tangy flavor due to spices Thatch used, and the texture was similar to crab.

 **thumpa thumpa thumpa thumpa**

So really it wasn't all bad, even if they were essentially eating a giant bug. It was certainly better than nothing.

 **thumpa thumpa thumpita thumpita**

Ace's eyebrow twitched.

 **thumpita thump… thumpthumpthumpthump–**

He slammed his hands down on the table, and whipped around to scowl at the Mermaid, Leith she'd introduced herself as, undulating like a worm across the deck. "Will you knock it off?! You've been doing that for over an hour, just find a place and stick to it!"

"Shut up!" she barked, brandishing her fist at him, her breasts nearly jumping out of the shirt she borrowed and converted into a custom bra, "You try to move around when your lower half is a fish's ass!"

"Just _ask_ someone to carry you!" he growled, averting his eyes from the tantalizing swell of her cleavage. It didn't help that his face had been between them several hours ago. He flushed at the memory. Her naked chest…

 _No, dammit! Bad thoughts!_

She scowled, her frown looking more like a pout than anything, her tail flipping up. "But everyone's so hungry… I don't want to interrupt."

Ace frowned as well, eyeing the numerous members of the crew, devouring their shares of the spoils and pretty much ignoring the entire exchange. They really needed to restock at the next island they came across…

He sighed. "Fine…" And bent to pick her up, making her squeak in surprise at the sudden change in height, which forced her to throw her arms around his neck. He flushed. Ace tried in vain to ignore the way her chest brushed up against his, focusing instead on the interesting texture of her scales. "Where do you wanna go?"

"The figurehead!" she crowed, pointing towards the poopdeck… Which was… the wrong direction.

Ace stared blankly at her for a moment, before turning on his heel to go the _correct_ way.

"Oi! Where you going?!" Leith cried, wiggling in protest. Her tail almost whacked him in the face from her flailing, and Ace had to tighten his hold to keep from dropping her.

"It's this way, dummy," he replied dryly, keeping his eyes trained on his goal instead of the weird Mermaid in his arms. _How the hell does she not know where anything is? Isn't she a pirate too?_

Because that was the strange thing… She had a Sun Pirate brand on her left shoulder, he noticed it after he and Thatch took care of the Sea Centipede. And it begged the question, _What is she doing so far away from her crew?_

He hadn't asked yet…

So he did now.

"I got lost!" she chirped with a sparkle in her eyes, throwing him a thumbs up that nearly made him stumble.

"That's not something to be proud of, you idiot!" Ace bellowed, and she just threw her head back to laugh. He huffed, feeling his cheeks heat again, though for a completely different reason. Her laughter wasn't bad when she was giggling…

Her tail swayed in time with his steps, a low hum sounding in her throat, a noise that resonated pleasantly against his chest. "I'm more of an honorary member anyway," she admitted, fiddling around with his hat's drawstring, her small fingers tracing the skull effigy with a delicate touch, "They found me years ago and I kinda just come and go whenever."

They reached the top of the whale figurehead and Ace gently set her down in the center, her body shimmying about as she found a comfortable position. Once she did so, she patted the deck, giving him a wide grin. "Come sit with me."

He relented. Telling himself that it was purely out of curiosity, nothing more. "How'd you get lost anyway?" Ace questioned, crossing his legs as he plopped down next to her.

"I was looking for the _Taiyo III_ actually," she said, scratching at her cheek as she glanced away in embarrassment, "But I think I misinterpreted what Abba said and found myself deep within the New World…"

"Abba?" Ace asked blankly.

"Oh! Uhm, my Dad…" she supplied, and when he still looked confused she added "Captain Jinbe." At his shocked expression, she waved her hand dismissively. "I always forget that people don't always know who I'm talking about."

"Jinbe's your _father?!_ " Ace shouted, incredulous.

She chuckled, smiling at his reaction. "Adopted father… but yeah."

Ace was stunned, staring at the Mermaid in a new light. To be taken under the wing of the Sun Pirate's captain, a Shichibukai… that was no insignificant thing. He wondered how that came about and what her role was among the crew…

Then he paled, feeling extremely cold as the realization struck him. _Jinbe can never find out how I met her,_ he thought, a shiver wracking up his spine.

Sure he fought the Fishman for five straight days… but there was no way in hell he wouldn't take offense on his daughter's behalf. Adopted or no.

He was going to _die._


	18. Punch a Fish in the Face

**A/N:** Pokemon One-Shot AU

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Ace started, pinching his brow, "You _punched_ a feral Gyarados–"

"Yep!" the white-haired woman chirped.

"– _In. The. Face_ ," he finished slowly, as if she hadn't interrupted him. At her earnest nod, Ace gritted his teeth and sat back on his heels, rubbing his face with his hands. Blaze, his ever loyal Blaziken, trilled behind him in concern, leaning down to tilt his head at him with his yellow eyes aglow. "Oh my G _od_ … And you thought that was a good idea _why?_ "

"Well, I couldn't just _leave_ her there," the wo– _Leith, her name was Leith_ , stated matter-of-factly, looking pointedly at the ugly-as-sin purple fish in her lap. She cooed at it like it was some kind of precious child, running her fingers across it's mottled and misshapen scales in a gentle stroke as it snoozed contentedly in a damp towel. She didn't seem to mind that her pants were getting soaked.

Ace's eye twitched, unable to believe this woman.

When Hero, his Braviary, returned to the _Wild Card_ in distress, urging the ship to be steered to the nearest island. He'd expected that he would have to mount a rescue…

What he hadn't expected, was to run into a rampaging Gyarados that had torn up half the island in search for their rescuee. It took the combined efforts of himself, Harbor, his own Gyarados, and Jax the Sharpedo to finally put down the raging beast. The creature had been so far gone that it couldn't be reasoned with.

He sighed. "And then…?" Ace asked expectantly, drawing out the last word to get her to continue.

Leith rolled her eyes. "And then I grabbed Ami and bolted out of there like a bat out of hell, what do you expect? I'm not fucking stupid."

Ace blinked at her, dumbfounded; unable to comprehend her reasoning. She'd just beaned a Gyarados in the nose, wasn't that the absolute height of stupidity? Then there was the fact that she already named the thing. Were they partners now?

"For a _Feebas?!_ " he shouted, absolutely baffled.

"If someone was screaming at you to help them, would you just stand by and watch?!" she snarled.

His breath stuttered.

Blaze hissed, though the sound strangled in his throat when Ace grabbed his arm to stop him. The Blaziken gave him a questioning look and Ace just shook his head in response.

Because she was right.

 _Still…_

"You know people eat those right?" he pointed out.

The moment he finished his sentence, the Feebas snapped open her wide eyes and _leapt_ from Leith's lap to slap him across the face with his tail. It then proceeded to grab the string of his hat in her mouth so she could keep whacking him every time she bounced back up, like an abusive yo-yo.

Ace squawked in surprise, having not suspected such violence from the normally placid (and well-known to be rather dim) creature.

"Ack! Damn it! OW, GET IT OFF!" he shrieked, stumbling about.

Leith just stared at him with a deadpan expression, watching as he tried to wrestle the slippery, flailing fish in vain. "You brought this on yourself…" she said dourly.

Blaze just stood by, his beak clicking and shoulders shaking in mirth, chortling at his expense. _The traitor._


	19. Hot Spots

**A/N:** bluediva said "Something happens and the kids are kidnapped. There's talk of the "Hot Spots" coming. Some think it's a sickness. Some think the kids are crazy. And then the dads show up."

A White Hots and Polka Dots (found in "Turnabout's Fair Play" on AO3) AU: Wherein Leith gives birth to twin boys who are the chimeric offspring of Law and Ace.

* * *

Hash was disturbed.

The brats just kept staring at him, their yellow, wolf-like eyes gazing at him with a disturbing level of attention. Boss said they were twins, and that the kids' parents would pay a pretty penny to have them back. He hadn't said exactly _who_ their parents were though… and funnily enough, the more he watched them, the more familiar they looked.

But that wasn't what bothered him.

 _"The hot spots are coming."_

The one with lanky hair and numerous freckles said that, completely solemn and without any sort of explanation. The spiky-haired one just grinned with far too many teeth. What was 'hot spots?' It sounded like a sickness, like the one little kids got that put red speckles all over their skin. But that didn't make any sense, why would _this_ kid warn them about that?

His ma said he couldn't get them anymore…

When he asked Brown about it, the other man just shrugged. _"They're just trying to scare you, don't pay them any mind. Just watch 'em."_

And so he did.

"Gotta pee," Spiky hollered, loud enough that it echoed in the warehouse.

"Hold it in," Hash growled, flipping through his magazine for at least the fifteenth time. He was getting really bored.

"Can't. Gonna 'splode," came the dull reply and Hash groaned.

"Fine…" he groused, rolling his eyes. He pointed to a series of crates stacked along the back wall. "Stand up, walk over there, and go."

"How?" the other one asked, raising a languid brow, "You have our arms tied behind our backs. We can't unzip."

Hash blinked at the dilemma, staring at the bound child, thick wrapping of leather rope winding around the kid's chest and back, pinning his arms behind him.

He hadn't thought of that.

Scrubbing his face with a sigh, he motioned the boy over and stood. "Come on I'll do it for you, let's just get this over–"

" _What?!_ No way! I'm not letting you anywhere _near_ my wang!" Spiky screeched, shuffling back to shoulders with his brother.

"Yeah dude, that's gross," Lanky added, glaring at him. His gold eyes flicked over him from head to foot, his mouth lifting in a disgusted curl. "You like little boys or something?"

"What? No!" Hash barked, bristling in defense of his actions, "I was only offering–"

"Offering to touch my thingy?" Spiky asked seriously.

"I wasn't–" he tried defending, but was cut off once again by the lanky-haired one.

"Mama said never to trust old men who touch little boys' wees."

"Yeah, she said they're really bad men and will do things to us–"

"–and watch us do private things–"

"–like pee–"

"–or put gross things in our mouths–"

"–and make us do grown up stuff–"

"–like kissing–"

"–and taxes–"

Hash was getting confused now, the kids were jabbering back and forth so quickly now it was difficult to tell who was saying what, finishing each other's sentences and besmirching his honor with every new word. He shook, his forehead starting to sweat as the accusations echoed throughout the warehouse. They whirled around his head, casting his mind into a fog.

"Shut the hell up you brats!" he roared, fists shaking as he loomed over them. Jabbing a finger at the one who started it all, he growled, "If you gotta pee so bad, then do it right the fuck there, I don't–"

Lanky gave a shocked gasp. "Pervert!"

 _Oh, that is_ it!

He raised his arm, fist primed to give the little shit the biggest beating of his life. Both boys squealed in terror, their eyes scrunching up and shying away from him in preparation for the blow. "Damn right you little bastards, you should be sc–"

 **"Room."**

A blue film rippled through the air and Hash stared open-mouthed at his arm.

Which wasn't there anymore.

"What in the fu–"

And then a flame-filled fist collided with his face.

* * *

"Dad!" his boys cried, practically glowing with joy at seeing the both of them. Law looked them over with a cursory glance, checking to see if there were any more injuries. When none were apparent aside from the usual rope burn, he flicked Kikoku and the kid's ropes fell to the floor.

"Are you alright?" he asked, keeping his sword unsheathed as he strode forward, and gracefully accepting the twin's hugs as they tackled his legs. Ace growled at his shoulder, glowering at the back of the warehouse where he could no doubt sense the rest of the kidnappers. They'll pay soon enough.

"We good," Altair said, letting go of his leg to headbutt Ace's next, the other man reaching down to give him a reassuring hair ruffle. "Jerks didn't even know what they were dealin' with."

"And that guy," Ace wondered, pointing at the one that he clocked out with a single punch, his face a little singed. "You call that guy nearly hitting you 'good'?"

"Well, he did offer to touch Brother's wiener," Aquila stated matter-of-factly.

Law froze.

"He _what?!_ " Ace roared, his shoulders and upper arms exploding into flame as his anger skyrocketed. Sparks were spitting out of his mouth. "I'm gonna fucking kill him!"

Staring at his boys, Law got the distinct feeling that they were being played here. He knew his kids were cunning and often used their smarts to manipulate people into playing their game.

But just in case…

"Boys go wait outside," Law ordered, a cold edge suffusing his body as his anger viciously focused on his son's kidnappers. They dared threaten his children, that was a death sentence as it is. "Your Mother is beside herself with worry, go make sure she sees you're alright."

"'Kay!" They chirped, matching Cheshire grins on their faces.

"Then send her in, she's been chomping at the bit to storm the place. I'm sure she doesn't want to miss out."


	20. You're a Writer?

**A/N:** lunarsilverfox asked - I remember reading once the Leith was trying to be a writer before she ended up in one piece. So did she ever write anything and ace/ crew read her writings?

* * *

Spoons was staring at the ceiling dully, her eyes hazy and distant, with a pen twirling in hand and a piece of parchment spread out before her. She looked to be deep in thought and Rummy felt just a bit guilty of breaking her out of it when he blurted, "What are you thinking about?"

The look she shot him was annoyed, though maybe it was not directed at him entirely. "I'm trying to think of what to write, but nothing _feels_ right."

Rummy blinked. "You're a writer?"

She gave a dismissive hand wave, like it wasn't a big deal. "Amateur. But yeah…" Spoons murmured, shrugging when his eyebrows rose, "It's just a hobby, really. Nothing to get too excited over."

"I'd like to read whatever you got, if you don't mind sharing…" Rummy said, sincerely interested.

She blushed.

 _Actually blushed._

"It won't be good I promise you," she muttered, trying to hide her face.

Rummy snorted. _The woman doesn't even blink when some guy makes a pass at her, but the moment someone asks about a 'little hobby' she blushes like a teenage girl. Cute._


	21. Whatchu Makin

**Anonymous said** \- Headcanon: Although ace eats just about anything, his favorites are Leigh cooking. He loves her cooking the most.

 **A/N:** Leith's not a master chef, so really her food is just kinda average. She can follow a recipe and maybe remember one or two things off the top of her head, but otherwise her food isn't really anything to get excited about. She doesn't even _like_ cooking most days.

Ace doesn't so much as love her cooking, as he loves messing with her _while_ she's cooking.

* * *

"What'chu makin?"

Leith jumped with a screech, her entire body jolting in surprise as warm breath tickled behind her ear. She cursed herself to hell and back for teaching the jerk how to conceal his presence.

She growled, flinching as she felt his fingers drum along her hips. "I'm _trying_ to make candied o-oranges," Leith said, stuttering at the end when those damn hands of his got just a bit too close to her ticklish ribs. Her eye twitched even as a stifled giggle escaped her. She was trying to hold it in the best she could. "W-will you get out of here?! I'm holding a knife!"

"How scary~" Ace whispered mockingly, his lips grazing the sensitive shell of her ear. She could almost hear the smile in his voice as his hands clamped down on her pelvis as she tried to jerk away. She squeaked as the action tickled. "Ohh careful~ you're holding a knife, Spoons. You don't want an accident do you?"

Leith snorted, her shoulders shaking with chuckles as she squirmed. He wasn't actively tickling her, but the threat that he _could_ was enough stimulus to get her laughing anyway. "S-stop– Ace! Damn it! I'm trying to–to–" She broke down into giggles again.

"I'm doing nothin', Spoonie," he breathed, his tone practically dripping with amusement as he rubbed his nose into the back of her neck and held her close, "What's the matter? Cut the orange, Spoons~"

There was no way that was going to be possible, not with how much her hand was shaking. Ace's "encouragement" was a farce of course, he was being deliberately obnoxious to get a reaction out of her. And damn it all, it was _working_.

She dropped the knife on the counter, unable to take anymore, her body quivering with breathless laughter.

Ace held her as she lost her balance, her legs temporarily turning to jelly as the giggles took over. "Ah! Don't fall!," he teased, making her sputter when he stuck his hands under her armpits to keep her upright… one of her greatest weaknesses.

"Noooooooo~" she wailed, trying to twist away, but he just pulled her back, his fingers hooked into the ridiculously ticklish flesh. Leith could hardily breathe or think straight, she was laughing so hard. Ace was chuckling at her expense… the jerk. "Y-you're doing th-this– this on _purpose!_ "

"What?!" he asked, sounding aghast and taunting all at once. " _No!_ I would _never_ do that~"

Then he twitched his fingers a little.

Leith lost it.

* * *

"–eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

The cabin boy nearly leapt out of his seat at the scream, his back shooting ramrod straight. It sounded like it'd come from the kitchen, where he saw Commander Ace disappear to and where he knew Miss Leith was. He looked around in a slight panic, his eyes sweeping over the remaining members of the crew that lingered in the dining hall after the lunch rush.

Commander Marco sat with a bored expression, placing yet another card in the center pile.

Another guy, one he hadn't become well-antiquated with yet that had black hair and a yellow headband, snapped up that card with a matching suit of his own. Marco cursed.

"Did anybody else hear that?" the boy asked, disturbed at the lack of response from his fellows. It sounded like quite the desperate sound to him.

"Yup," Commander Haruta grumbled, drawing another card. He scowled at what he got, clearly it hadn't been what he wanted. "Just ignore it. Isn't that right, Pitch?"

"Yup," the black-haired one replied, drawing a card of his own. "They'll stop in a bit."

The cabin boy flushed, his mind oh-so-helpfully going to the most logical conclusion to that response.

"Oi, get your mind out of the gutter, brat. That's not what I meant."


	22. The Stars and Us

**A/N:** I have so many of these on AO3...

* * *

Fingers strumming the strings of her guitar, Leith yawned hugely, her breath fogging in the cold air. _We must be drawing close to a winter island,_ she thought, huddling deeper into her nightwatch cloak. The fabric just a little too thin for what she expected the weather to turn.

 _Maybe I should have brought my jacket,_ she grumped, shivering and tucking her fingers when a stray wind sent a more aggressive chill.

A loud thump at her side gave her pause.

Turning to see what it was, Leith choked when she saw Ace face-planted into the floorboards of the crow's nest, his feet all in a tangle on the railing still. He'd apparently had a tumble after climbing all the way up there, though the question of "why" still rang in the air. He was usually remarkably stable no matter how much the _Wild Card_ pitched and bucked, so it made her wonder why he was still laying in a tangled heap.

A loud snore answered her question.

Leith gave an involuntary snort, clapping a hand over her mouth as her shoulders shook with laughter.

Sure Ace's narcolepsy kicked in at the most inopportune times, but it usually did so when he was relaxed… or eating. Not when clambering over the precarious mastlines. _Just what the hell are you trying to accomplish?_ she wondered, unfolding one of her legs from the semi-warm confines of her cloak to toe at his snoozing form.

He popped to wakefulness in mid-snore, his head jerking up like an attentive groundhog, making Leith give a started 'eep' of surprise.

"Aw man, I fell asleep…" he grumbled, scrambling out of his tangle so he could properly adjust his hat.

Leith gave an amused chuff. "Yeah, it was quite the entrance," she quipped wryly, tucking her leg back in with a quiver. Her teeth chattering briefly as yet another breeze brought a bout of cold. "What brings you here?"

A proverbial lightbulb seemed to go off in his head as he came to some realization. "Oh yeah!" he said, before scuttling toward her so fast, she didn't have time to react before he'd already burrowed his way under her cloak.

"Wha-Hey!" she barked, struggling as his face nosed and wiggled about, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Stop struggling…" Ace whined, giving a muted "oof" when her elbow collided with his ribcage.

"Hell no!"

Finally, after a few moments of grunting and cursing, his head popped out of the collar of the cloak, his warm cheek brushing against her own. "There we go!" he chirped, shimmying a little closer when Leith tried to scoot away, "Come on, don't be a stranger~"

"Like hell! Go get your own blanket!" she snarled, grunting when his arm wound around her waist and squished her close.

He pouted, arm loosening its hold a bit, his face just a little too close to hers for comfort. "But if I do that, then you'll be cold…"

Leith stilled at that, her eyebrows raising as she shot him an incredulous look. "What?"

Ace shrugged, his face bright with pure innocent intent. "I just thought you'd be cold up here by yourself. The temperature kind of took a dive and I was worried," his face flushed a bit at that, his freckles fading just a bit at the reddening of his skin.

Leith felt her face heat in turn, which had nothing to do with the enveloping warmth that emanated from the man at her side. To distract herself, she glanced up at the veil of stars, her eyes trying to pick out patterns and shapes.

She felt rather than saw, Ace follow her example… though he did shimmy just a smidge closer before raising his other arm to point out a series of stars. "That's the White Tiger, in East Blue he usually rises high in Fall…"

Leith was having trouble listening to his lecture however… half her brain being distracted by the hand running circles on her hip.


	23. Unicorns and Rainbows

**A/N:** Ah yes, Leith's continued journey of being a jackass

* * *

She sighed loudly, interrupting the pineapple-headed man in the middle of his… _riveting_ speech, her voice dry as she said, "Yeah—Yeah—I get it. Captain Whitebeard tames unicorns and shits rainbows, he's practically the patron saint of brotherhood and friendship, yada yada…" Waving a hand dismissively she placed both hands on her hips, cocking them to the side as she gave him an unimpressed stare. "Trust me pal, I'm already quite familiar with this entire song and dance routine, so save the recruitment speech for someone who needs it."

Marco scowled, his face pinching into a disapproving glower, which honestly was an improvement from the blatant disinterest he showed earlier. "You're a rude little shit aren't you?"

Leith shrugged, her lips quirking into a wry grin. "Why do you think they keep me around?"


	24. Get My Good Side

**A/N:** Including a cameo of the unlucky-marine from Tumblr (AKA Davy Jack) with the timeline being before Marineford so he's at least 18 or 19.

* * *

Leith blinked away the white dots in her vision, ducking under the wide swing of a marine that tried to take advantage of her distraction. "What the fu–" she started to say, looking for the source, but was interrupted by another bright flash.

"Sonnuvahbitch!" she barked, throwing hands over her face, eyes watering as she was yet again blinded by the camera.

She was gonna kill that little bastard when she got her hands on them. And that included the vengeance for _last time_.

Without even bothering to open her eyes, Leith sent out a pulse of haki, scanning her surroundings and sending the world into a wash of indistinct hues. It wasn't true color, just something her brain supplied to make sense of the information… But it still gave off that eerily cold blue, making everyone appear as blazing ghosts.

There. The little sneak thought he could get away in the thick of it.

Keeping her eyes screwed tightly shut, she gave chase. Blood roaring at the opportunity for the hunt, her field of view narrowing as she zeroed in on his signal, but not enough to make her completely unaware of her surroundings.

Which was why she punched a random guy in the sack… which… wasn't _quite_ what she was aiming for, but she'd take it.

 _His fault for leaping about like a chimpanzee,_ she thought, darting through the crowd, her dagger flashing out to _snick_ and _snack_ anyone unlucky enough to be in range. Marines and enemy pirates alike. _What did he think this was, Cirque de Soliel?_

The earth-shattering sound of an explosion in the distance assured her that Ace was having one hell of a party _._

Leith's grin turned feral.

A mechanical whirring and a curse caught her ear and she Boosted, hand holding tightly to her hat as she zipping forward with unnatural speed, throwing her leg out in a tornado kick… And missed, the camera guy amazingly dodging the strike with a precision that only someone proficient in Observation Haki could perform.

Though the force behind her kick nearly bowled him over.

"Shitting _fuck!_ " he screeched, making an admittedly very impressive bridge as Leith flew right over him. He scrambled to his feet, ready to bolt again–

Only, she didn't give him that chance, her foot cracking the ground–pivoting–and her hand reaching out to grab a firm hold on his camera.

"NOTTHECAMERANOTTHECAMERANOTTHECAMERA–" he bellowed as they both tumbled into a heap on the ground. He wheezed when her butt landed none-too-gently on his stomach, her legs straddling his torso as she pressed the device to his face.

"Alright you Jeff Foxworthy knock off," Leith hissed, gritting her teeth, "I'm gonna make you pay for that little nudie pick you took of me in the baths. You're gonna re–"

"Wathn't be!" he interrupted, words slurred due to the placement of the camera against his cheek. "Wong guy! WONG GUY!"

Leith snapped open her eyes.

Indeed, instead of a mustachio'd weirdo in a stupid top hat with a pompom, she'd apparently caught a cute teen that was looking moderately more terrified about the fact she was making the plastic on his camera creak than for his own safety.

She tilted her head, retracting the device from where she'd been embedding it into his face. He didn't let go of his own grasp on the camera, his grip like iron.

"Huh. You're cuter than that pervert."

"Uhh…" He blinked, very hesitantly taking his eyes off his–apparently treasured–photography equipment to look her in the eye. "Thank you?" he said, though it was phrased as a question. His cheek was still red and rather box shaped from her overindulgent aggression.

Then he averted his eyes. "Why aren't you wearing pants?"

"Life choice," she explained, which… really didn't explain anything. So she liked running around in her underwear, sue her. It was no different from wearing a swimsuit, like she'd seen many female pirates do and no one batted an eye. Besides she was wearing a shirt, that was decent enough for her.

"O-oh…Uhm," he squirmed, then raised the camera up to obscure the bottom half of his face. His gaze endearingly entreating. "I uh… I'm not sure if I got a good picture of you, would you mind? I kinda have to make a quota…"

Now it was Leith's turn to blink, surprised by the boldness of the guy. Really she shouldn't have been so surprised, it was probably really difficult to be a good cameraman with all the pirate/marine chaos floating around. It had to take some big balls to stand on the battlefield with titans like the Yonko floating around and STILL managing to get their pictures.

So she grinned and patted his head.

"Darlin' you can take all the pictures you need, just make sure you get my good side."

Then she uppercut a guy trying to cut in–literally, he had a sword–to their conversation.

"Hey! Can't you see we're discussing something important!" she roared, beating the guy into the dirt.


	25. Awkward (Until Opportunity Strikes)

**A/N:** That moment when you know you're in deep shit.

* * *

Things were awkward now.

Ace felt they'd been talking just fine before, exchanging stories and laughing amongst the crowd of Whitebeards– _er brothers…_ they were his brothers now–and just generally getting to know one another as people do when getting acquainted with a new crew. Drinks had been passed around and if he wasn't mistaken he could catch a whiff of food stewing in the kitchens.

It was going to be a great time!

But then that entire entrance with Spoons happened and… _eh…_ He wasn't feeling it anymore.

Rubbing at his– _still sore holy shit she can throw a punch_ –stomach, Ace grimaced at Tex, the source of his misery and currently holding an icepack to his mouth where the diminutive woman socked him. Sure, it'd been his own dumb ass idea to take on Whitebeard that got them all into trouble in the first place, that had been part of the reason why Spoons sucker punched him if he wasn't mistaken.

However, it'd been all Tex for the aftermath… He _still_ couldn't believe the man thought it'd been a good plan to ditch Spoons in order to come rescue him.

He understood the reasoning… The men had certainly taken quite the beatdown in the attempt, their injuries forcing them to be out of commission for at least a quarter of the time Ace had spent trying to kill Whitebeard. Tex just hadn't wanted Leith to get hurt.

 _Fat lot of good that did,_ Ace thought, biting his lip as he watched the woman strum at her guitar, playing a giddy tune despite the charged atmosphere. _She's hurt… just not on the outside._ He knew well the way she buried her pain, deflecting when she was cornered, using jokes and sarcasm as her armor to keep people just far enough away that they couldn't see her breaking down.

She'd already showed the rage side of things, as evidenced by both his aching gut and Tex's swollen mouth. Though apparently the rest of the crew wasn't getting off scot-free if the silent treatment was anything to go by.

Which was almost worse… because it meant she might cook something up later.

Mao gave a little whimper at his elbow, pulling the turban over his ears, unraveling it a bit. "Ohhh man… s-s-she's so pissed! D-do you think… if I just ask her to p-punch me for being a jerk she'll feel better?"

Ace made a face. _Yeah… no._

Which only made the man whine and hunker down even more.

A sharp elbow jabbed into Ace shoulder, making him jump. Whipping around, he saw Pitch giving him a… well he could only describe it as a skeptical eyebrow, to which he replied a snappy, " _What._ "

He might have been just a bit annoyed.

"Say something," the man hissed in a whisper, eyes flicking over to Leith cheerily humming along to her song, something he wouldn't have minded listening to at any other time.

Though Pitch was right… he did have something to say. They all did really.

So, without further ado, he stood, a bit unsteadily since he was still reeling from that punch, and made his way to stand before the woman. Guilt gnawing at his stomach every step of the way.

She didn't even glance up when he cleared his throat, though he knew she was listening. "Ah… Leith? Uhm…" He hesitated. Gulped. Then slapped his hands together like in prayer, his eyes scrunched shut, and shouted, "I'm sorry! We've all been idiots! You were right about everything and I didn't listen to you–"

"Hey–" He heard her grunt.

But Ace forged on, determined to get it all out in the open. "–and I should have from the start! You've only had the crew's best interest at heart and I shouldn't have ever said you were trying to mutiny–"

"Oi!" she barked louder.

And he raised his voice in turn, his eyes starting to grow a little wet. "–And I know you feel betrayed by me and though Tex had the best intentions he royally fucked up. So please please please _please_ forgive me. Forgive us–"

"HEY! DUMBSHIT, SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!" Leith roared and Ace flinched, tensing up for another blow.

 _It'd only be what I deserve…_

But nothing happened.

Confused, he opened his eyes, blinking away the accumulated wetness, a tear rolling unbidden down his cheek.

And there Leith remained sitting, fist planted against her chin, hazel eyes narrowed and a scowl turning down her lips. Though the brim of her hat shadowed the upper half of her face, he could vaguely make out dark circles under her eyes. Darker than he'd seen in a long time.

Which meant she wasn't sleeping again.

Guilt slammed him harder in the stomach than her punch had, and Ace had to physically fight himself from falling to his knees right there.

She jabbed a finger at him, the movement so quick and sharp she probably could have stabbed him with it. "Now _listen up_! Because what I'm going to say next is absolutely important, you hear me?"

He nodded, the guilty pit in his stomach digging even deeper as he registered the meaning behind her words. _She's gonna leave… After all the shit we put her through… Pushing her past her comfort zone… Accusing her of mutiny… Abandoning her… It's no wonder she wants to leave._

Leith curled her lip, her tone harsh, " _Good._ Now, do you think–"

Ace clenched his hands, bracing himself for the inevitable. His heart sinking to the floor with every word coming out of her mouth. _This is it… she's gonna tell me off and–  
_

"–that people could use hair conditioner on their ass, because I've always wondered."

He froze, eyes wide.

"…what."

And like the entire drama from a few moments ago didn't happen, Leith crossed her arms and stared up at the mizzen mast, her nose scrunching in thought. " _Right?_ I mean, it makes _sense_ don't you think? It's hair too, though of a different thickness, so it might need some stronger stuff. But it could work… See I heard a story from some employees at a spa once and they were telling me about this guy–"

Ace's jaw dropped, feeling… he didn't know what he was feeling. The crowd around them was as silent as the grave and he didn't blame them one bit. This was a whole nother level of weird for her–and he'd dealt with plenty of bizarre things with Leith in the past.

"–who apparently got thoroughly waxed every couple of weeks since his hair gave him some really severe chafing rashes," Leith continued, tapping her bottom lip, contemplating. "Though maybe for that guy he would need something industrial grade–"

"Leith, what the hell are you talking about?" Ace asked weakly, his shoulders slumping.

And then she grinned, and he knew…

She was seriously just screwing with them. This was their collective punishment.

"What?" she teased, smile widening into one with too many teeth, "Would you rather talk about how Sengoku and Garp are totally fu–"

"NO!" Everyone shrieked and she cackled.

"Leith, what the fuck!" he roared, grabbing her shoulders and giving them a little shake, her head bobbing about as she belted out that awful laugh. He was confused, embarrassed, and maybe a little angry that she was just ignoring the problem. "This is serious dammit! We fucked up and I'd understand if you want to leave–"

And just like a switch had been flipped, her expression turned deadly.

 _Shi–_

Ace barely had time to curse before she roughly grabbed his face and head butted him, the bill of her hat digging into his skull.

"Ow ow owowowowow–" he shouted, wincing as she forced her face closer, "Leith-that-fucking-hurts-did-you-infuse-your-hat-with-haki?!"

"Listen here, shithead cuz I'm only gonna say this once," she rasped, her eyes piercing into his own with a frightening intensity, "Where I come from, we have a saying that reads; _'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.'_ Which means that the ties built outside of family, forged through battle, are the strongest there is. And well, maybe you missed the memo somewhere, but I kinda like you assholes. You're my friends. And I'm not gonna just ditch because we had a _little disagreement!_ "

Ace blinked, the tight feeling in his chest disappearing and a warm sensation started fluttering in his stomach. He grinned at Leith dour expression, his cheeks pinching at the action. "So… you're Nakama?"

She made a disgusted noise and shoved his face away, knocking him on his ass. "Ugh, don't be gross."

Well… That was practically confirmation.


	26. Shark Week

**Anonymous asked:** Would Spoons be okay with other women cuddling with Ace? Cause I could see any women Whitebeard pirates on their period wanting to snuggle up to him so they can use his powers as a hot water bottle. Mine just started and wow Ace's powers seem like the best thing a girl could ask for.

 **A/N:** I don't think its a question on whether she'd be okay with it… more like HOW MANY demand a cuddle puddle because women tend to sync up when living in the same space. (I lived in a college dorm with three other girls for three years, shark week got real y'all)

* * *

"P'sst! Marco, hey!"

The man in question paused, steaming coffee cup in hand and rose his brow at Ace–the source of the frantic whispering–who was currently crouched behind some crates by the figurehead, eyes flicking about frantically.

Suspicious… But then again he had Spoons draped across his back like a barnacle, snoozing away like nothing was happening, so it couldn't have been anything terribly incriminating. Otherwise she would have been there with him, conscious and chortling away.

"What is it?" he asked, not bothering to pitch his voice low, a mistake as the other man hissed for him to be quiet, then gave a paranoid glance around when the sound unfortunately echoed.

"I need your help," Ace murmured, after inspecting the area thoroughly for any interlopers, "I need to get _Striker_ down to the water, but I can't really do it myself…" And here, he adjusted the sleeping woman, hiking her up higher so she wouldn't slip to the floor.

She mumbled something unintelligible, sounding annoyed, but settled back down with a sigh when Ace ramped up the temperature, a grimace on his face.

And it was then that Marco understood.

"Oh… it's _that_ week isn't it?" he wondered, doing some rudimentary math in his head. It _had_ been about a month since the last time, and if he remembered correctly, Spoons had practically strapped herself to the other man then too, sleeping the cramps away.

Which was all well and good, but the moment the other women caught on to how well Ace worked as a heater… Well it'd been funny, at first.

But the poor guy didn't handle that much attention well, and being surrounded by a bunch of hormonal women of various dispositions hadn't done his sanity any good.

So it was understandable that Ace wanted to make his escape to land while he still could, before he was dogpiled and guilted into being a human hot water bottle for the Red Tide. Spoons was relatively easy to handle on her own, she was only crampy and grouchy on her first day, which was easily remedied with heat and oranges (which was still weird to be honest). Otherwise, she was normal for the rest of the week… It was only when she was exposed to other cramping women that things got out of hand.

Because then _everyone_ was vying for attention all at once and there really was only so much of Ace to go around.

So it was with silent agreement and mercy that Marco nodded along and helped the man make his exodus, snoozing cargo in tow.

Now he just needed to find another place they could stop for the others. It was only fair…


	27. Trouble in Double

**A/N:** AU within an AU... AU-CEPTION.

In which, Skylar and the Twins (Aquila and Altair) are thrust back in time and meet Grandpa Roger.

A White Hots and Polka Dots (found in "Turnabout's Fair Play" on AO3) AU: Wherein Leith gives birth to twin boys who are the chimeric offspring of Law and Ace.

* * *

Buggy didn't know what to make of the two boys they'd found floating aimlessly at sea…

Currently, they were a mystery. A mystery that was sleeping peacefully in the _Oro Jackson's_ infirmary, swaddled in a pile of blankets so thick, he was surprised the weight alone didn't crush them. Captain said they were "telling" him they were cold– _which didn't make much sense, but Captain said weird things sometimes_ –so every man available pitched in to supply a blanket from their own bunk, ensuring that the kids got the heat they required.

Hell, even his bitter rival and fellow cabin boy Shanks contributed to the effort.

But not Buggy.

 _Nope._

Because there was something _weird_ with those kids.

He'd overheard Mr. Rayleigh say it himself, something about their "hockey" being weird. Being all–all unstable and stuff.

And he trusted that the first mate knew what he was talking about… even though Buggy still wasn't quite sure what this "hockey" stuff even was. Shanks seemed to know and tried explaining it once, but Buggy didn't need to bother with that nuisance! He had his flashy Devil Fruit after all!

Not that he'd ever meant to have it's power… _he'd brood about that later._

Point was, Mr. Rayleigh said to keep an eye on those boys ( _though he was very indirect about it, Buggy knew exactly what he meant_ ), and that was precisely what he was going to do.

With both eyes open…

Across the room…

As close to the door as possible…

Not that he was scared! They barely reached his waist after all–but he wasn't going to take chances, because anyone who could do "hockey" was dangerous.

And Buggy liked to keep his life as danger free as possible, _thank you very much_.

So he waited, ever vigilant in his self-proclaimed mission, leg twitching and bouncing with boundless– _not nervous_ –energy, a critical eye on the scoundrels as they slept.

They certainly didn't _look_ scary with their chubby little faces peeking out of the blanket pile, a smattering of freckles– _that reminded him strangely of Miss Rouge_ –lining their cheekbones. Black hair swept across their pillows, eyelids twitching as they dreamed, quiet snores filling the otherwise silent cabin with contented sighs.

 _Okay, so maybe they're too cute to be dangerous,_ Buggy thought, scratching at his nose as he watched their chests rise and fall. The one with spikier hair was even drooli–

"Where is she?"

Buggy jumped, thumping the back of the chair against the wall with such a resounding thunk that it rattled his teeth. He cursed, his heart beating a mile a minute as he gaped wide-eyed at the withering stare of wolf-like eyes.

Eyes that quickly darted over every corner of the room before pinning Buggy in place… like a fly on a dartboard.

They belonged to the boy closest to the wall, his infernal gaze peering just over the body of his bedmate, the blankets creating the illusion of a den. He was crouched down, his body tense… seemingly ready to strike at any opportunity. This one's hair was much more wavy, falling down around his ears in curls that gave him a more tame appearance than his… brother? Buggy wasn't a hundred percent certain they were related, despite their similarities.

Though all thoughts of the supposed tameness of the boy flew far out the window at his next action, making Buggy all the more concerned for his own safety.

For a positively wicked smile slowly worked across the boy's lips… just a bit too sinuous, a little too wide to be anything good; the corners of his lips curling in a devilish smirk and eyelids hooding to dim those yellow irises into a warm amber.

Buggy shivered.

"Cat got your tongue?" the boy asked, tilting his head coyly, his tone dipping into a lower register, "I asked you where she is."

A threat. This was most definitely a threat.

Buggy tried putting up a brave front in the face of this menace.

"I–I don't know what you're t-t-talking about!" he screeched, shaking his fist at the child and trying his damnedest to cease the knocking of his knees. "You-You're our prisoner!" Buggy announced, suddenly feeling more confident as he jabbed a finger in the brat's direction, "Yeah! You hear that, you little snot?! You're our prisoner and there's nothing you can do about it!"

He wasn't exactly certain what he was hoping for when he made that proclamation, but the deepening of that damnable leer was _definitely not it_. A vein pulsed on the boy's forehead, his smile splitting impossibly wide.

"Is that so..?"

With that, the snoozing boy's eyes snapped open, bronze irises burning and an equally evil look twisting his expression.

"Well, I think my brother has a problem with your assessment," the first boy quipped, cracking his knuckles ominously as the second effortlessly tossed aside the blanket mountain, all vestiges of sleep wiped away. "Now either you tell us where our sister is, or we're gonna get rough," he continued, making a show of rolling his shoulders.

Buggy clenched his fist. _How dare this little brat talk down to me!_ he thought, grinding his teeth together as his anger skyrocketed. _I refuse to be intimidated by some half-pint runts!_

And that was exactly what he told them, with several additions tacked on for extra flashiness. They… they didn't seem impressed. In fact, Buggy was starting to sweat with how their countenances steadily became darker and darker, their grins growing wider and wider, until it was like their very skulls would be split in twain.

"Huh, looks like he wants to go the _easy_ way, Aki," the spiky one snarled coarsely, curling a lip to display a gap tooth where his canine should have been.

"Apparently," 'Aki' agreed, "let's do this, Ali."

Buggy shrieked as they leapt at him–

–

Which is how Shanks and Rayleigh found them later; Buggy laid out flat in the dining hall _(wailing like a claxon)_ with two irritated six year olds pounding his face in.


	28. Focus On Me

**A/N:** Emotions are hard.

* * *

Ace was conflicted.

He _should_ have been happy... Luffy was here, right in front of him after all these years—grown up—a flourishing pirate crew under his command and already with a few adventures under his belt. The last time he'd even _seen_ his brother, it'd been back on Dawn Island and Luffy had been undergoing a growth spurt; shooting up so much like a weed that it made him somewhat concerned that he'd grow taller than him.

But no... he was still as scrawny and scrappy as ever. He really did love the brat...

So why was it then—despite all this brotherly love he was feeling—that Ace wanted to boot his sorry ass into Alabasta's bay every time Leith laughed at something he said.

The two were fast friends; something that not even Ace had expected... getting on like a house on fire. Leith's wit was pretty much lost on the kid, but she at least was a good audience and laughed easily; a factor that Luffy took full advantage of as he told over-exaggerated tales of their journey, with the occasional crewmate chiming in to correct him.

She would smile, a fond look on her face as she listened in rapt attention. Like someone meeting their hero for the first time.

It... It kind of made him jealous?

He scowled, rubbing at his chest.

That didn't make sense.

Currently, they were in the process of crossing the vast Alabastan Desert, the hot breeze tossing their cloaks about as they trudged up dunes the size of mountains. Luffy was wheezing and complaining about the heat, driving everyone to insanity and drinking too much water.

As for Leith, well...

She was doing what she does best.

"Hey Luffy," she panted, a few wisps of her white hair coming loose from the bun under her hat to cling tenaciously to the sweat on her neck, "I bet I can get up this dune faster than you."

"Too hot..." Luffy groaned, picking up speed anyway since he was too stubborn to turn down a challenge, his arms swinging limply side to side, making him look more like his namesake.

"Wimp," Leith goaded, a corner of her mouth dimpling into a mischievous curl when she turned her head.

And, of course, like she'd just flipped a switch in his brain, Luffy was off like a gunshot, roaring all the way that he was going to win and "it's not _that_ hot!" All the while kicking up sand and dust like a mini sandstorm, leaving everyone sputtering and spitting in his wake.

Leith cackled after flinging off the corner of her cloak that shielded her from the onslaught, still standing right where she was, having not even bothered to partake in the competition _she_ started. "Nailed it," she crowed, looking quite proud of herself.

Ace snorted, planting his arm on her hat which mashed it down over her eyes, making her squawk. "You realize he's going to be even more tired when he gets to the top, right?"

"Yeah, but that gives us at least twenty minutes of silence," she said wryly, jabbing her elbow into his ribs when her struggling didn't move his heavy limb off her head. "So what's been eating you?" she asked, changing the subject, "You've been quiet ever since we left the _Merry..._ What's got you so broody?"

"M'not broody," he grumbled with a pout, leaning a bit more of his body on her so he was half draped over her shoulders, his chin resting next to her cheek.

"The mouth says 'no' but the attitude says 'yes,'" Leith grunted, attempting and failing to heave his bulk off her, "No, seriously, what's your drama? Get. _Off._ "

"I'm sad and I want attention," Ace said dourly, though his lips quirked in amusement when she continued to slog up the dune, now _way_ behind the rest of the crew, "Keep it up, you're doing _great._ "

"Ass," she growled, her boot sinking even deeper into the sand, her breath now coming in heavy huffs, "Sooo what? You jealous I've been spending more time with Luffy than with you?"

He flinched.

Leith, evidently having felt that, nearly fell over.

"Oh. My—God. Are you serious?!" she exclaimed, surprise written all across her face as she turned to pin him with one hazel eye, cheek mushing against his own, "Have you even _seen_ the kid? He's like, ten!"

Ace frowned, thinking. "Uhh... I'm pretty sure I remember him being seventeen..."

She gave him the flattest look he'd ever seen, unimpressed. "Sarcasm, Ace. But seriously, why would you even be jealous? We've been sailing together, just the two of us, for weeks now trying to track down that rotten piece of human feces. That's loads of time spent on _Striker,_ just us... you can't tell me you're not a little relieved to be around other people."

He slumped, making her grunt as he rested all his weight across her back. "I dunno..." Ace mumbled, and really he didn't. He wasn't good at identifying his own feelings, and this felt complicated. _Too_ complicated. "I guess... Shit—I don't know. I mean, maybe I feel left out?"

"Ugh," Leith groaned, now stopped completely as she struggled to keep herself from full on face-planting into the ground. Her hair was in even more disarray than before, matted down by the sweat that ran down her temples and curved around her jaw. He could very faintly smell its salty tang, mixed as it was with the coconut oil she treated her hair with. "Could you... maybe feel more included by _not_ trying to break my spine?" she asked, breath faintly brushing against his lips.

He grinned. "I'll think about it—"

"Oi!" a voice interrupted, making Ace jump a bit, heart pounding as he glanced up to the top of the dune. It was Sanji, his mouth turned into a frown as he glared down at them... well mostly him—Ace got the feeling the guy didn't like him at all. However, it was hard to feel miffed at that when he was already a little irritated at being interrupted in the middle of a conversation with his friend...

Though... _why_ he felt a little out of breath, he couldn't even begin to guess.

Sanji curled a lip, growling, "Is he giving you trouble, Miss Leith?"

She snorted, amused by the man's so-called chivalrous attitude, apparently not that impressed if her eye roll was anything to go by. "Just the normal amount, don't worry about it Sanji," Leith replied, tapping his cheek, "See? He's just all tuckered out!"

Ace bit his lip to keep from laughing outright at the envious look that flashed across the blond man's face, the guy was so transparent it was painful.

"Well... Try to keep up," Sanji stated, trying and failing to keep any semblance of composure, the heat was making him more crabby than usual, "I... _We_ wouldn't want you getting lost out here."

"Uh huh," she drolled, giving the man a thumbs up, "Don't worry about it, dude."

Sanji, about to say something more, clicked his jaw shut at her dismissal and directed Ace one last glare before disappearing over the ridge.

"Man, that guy's annoying," Leith whispered and Ace nearly choked as he chortled, shoulders shaking—

Only to stop when she pinned him with a look, her expression serious.

"We're gonna talk more on this later," she promised, nudging his stomach with her elbow, "You can't just let something like that lie, it'll eat you up from the inside if you don't address it."

He sighed, but nodded his head, straightening up so he was no longer leaning so much on her, his arm still wrapped around her shoulders. Ace figured he'd be able to handle that, so long as it was just the two of them and they didn't have an audience... just like old times.

He really wished his heart would stop pounding though.


	29. A Day Out With Pappi

**freerangeemma asked:** I loved Whitebeard's reaction to Leith announcing the baby. Would you write a story about Skylar and her grandpa?

* * *

"W'dat one?"

Newgate swiveled his head, careful not to jostle his little passenger too much with the movement as his eyes followed to where the finger was pointing. She'd spent the last fifteen minutes barking out questions about all the new things she was seeing and the game hadn't quite become old yet… content as he was to let the child be curious to her heart's desire. He gargled a laugh when he spotted a small primate staring at the pair with wary eyes, its tawny fur bristling about. "That's a monkey," he explained, raising a hand to steady Skylar as he ducked around another branch.

"Mun-key…" she parroted, tiny fists clenched into his bandanna while she balanced on his shoulder. An excited series of huffs sounded as she bounced in place, apparently realizing something. "Unky Poopy!"

He chortled, both proud and amused she made the connection all on her own. "Yes, that's right, just like your Uncle Luffy, the little scamp. Even resembles him a bit, don't you think?"

"Yea…" Skylar agreed in that distracted manner most children used when they weren't sure about something. She patted his cheekbone in reassurance, though whether it was for him or for her he wasn't sure. The child did that sometimes, gently caressing the faces of certain people around her in a emphatic manner, her eyes distant… like she was making sure they were still there.

Bizarre. But utterly harmless.

"Pappi, wan' down," she said, tugging on the bandanna impatiently, clearly tired of being carried.

Newgate grunted, but didn't break his stride in the least, following the trail around the bend. "In a bit, Sweetheart, we're almost out of the trees. Pappi can't see you as well in here and doesn't want to accidentally hurt you if he puts you down now," he told her, feeling his breath coming out a bit more heavy than before, its been a long while since the last time he'd taken this route. _Damn lungs–getting too damn old…_ He grumbled to himself, while out loud added,"Once we get to the grove, I'll let you down so you can play. I promise."

She made a whining noise in disagreement, but didn't throw a fuss… Merely touched his cheekbone again. "Pappi not hurted me," she said firmly, putting a bit more of her weight against his head and pushing like it'd lend more importance to her words, "Pappi a… Pappi a–" she fumbled for a minute, scratching through her limited vocabulary before blurting, "Pappi _nice!"_

"Pappi's also old and clumsy," Newgate retorted with a short chuckle, tilting his head so he could see her expression. There it was, there was her parents' stubbornness showing through–though it was more of a pout than a scowl with that baby fat.

Skylar's nose wrinkled–just like her mother did when displeased–and puffed out her cheeks a little more. "Pappi _strong._ "

He grinned at that, heartened by her faith in him and gently patted her back. "I'm glad you think so, My Dear."

They broke through the treeline, and Newgate had the distinct honor of hearing his granddaughter gasp in surprise, her little hands clenching against his face as she gazed upon the scene. The trees were in eternal bloom, the soft petals of cherry blossoms falling in a gentle rain, carpeting the ground in swaths of pink and white. A waterfall roared down the cliff in the distance, the mist creating the pastel arc of a rainbow in the midday light.

It was the same place, years ago… the very same grove he'd last seen Gol D. Roger alive and learned the secret of the Will of D.

And now Newgate had returned, bringing Roger's legacy with him.

He knelt down, balancing a majority of his weight upon his bisento as he eased Skylar to the ground, careful not to move too quickly. The toddler squeaked in excitement, bolting away the moment her feet touched ground, her arms thrown wide as she shouted, "PAPPI LOOK'IT FLOWER!"

"I see that," Newgate remarked amiably, righting himself with only a minor protest from his knees, the joints popping as he hoisted himself back to his feet with a grunt, "Play where I can see you, Skylar. Don't wander too far!"

"Kay!" she called back, already sticking her hands into a grubby patch of dirt and twigs, clearly something having caught her eye, her gaze following the wiggling body of a lizard as she scrabbled after it. Newgate left her to it, knowing there was very little the child could get herself into trouble with in this grove. She'd have to take a flying leap off a tree or into the river to be in any real danger, and gods know Newgate was thankful for her lack of ability in that regard.

Though it was only ever a matter of time… Kids grew up too damn fast.

Ambling his way over to a familiar tree, Newgate bent to sit at its base, easing himself down into a memorable spot among the cherry trees. The fragrance was nostalgic and he yearned to crack open a bottle at the memory.

But he resisted, amber eyes tracking his granddaughter's movements as she upturned some rocks along the riverbank. Already he could spy a smudge of dirt on her cheek and he had to chuckle at the sight, he could almost see Leith and Ace doing much the same even as adults. Ever curious. Ever full of wonder for the world.

He sighed. "I'm getting old, Roger," Newgate murmured, keeping his voice low so Skylar couldn't overhear, "Soon my time as ruler of these seas will come to an end and a new age of strife will rise from the ashes. It will be hard… a test of will for all my children and my heart aches knowing the hardships they'll face."

A wane smile stretched across his lips, his chest heavy as he watched Skylar. She was a good child. "But the next generation," he said, his smile growing into a full grin as her eyes met his, her look one of adoration, "I have such high hopes for and the legacy you've left behind… I just wish I could be here to see it."

Newgate had to chuckle at himself, he was getting melancholy in his old age–If Roger were here now, there was little doubt in his mind that the man would make fun of him for it. He'd died with a smile after all…

"Pappi! Fiss!" Skylar shouted, breaking the man out of his grim thoughts to focus on his granddaughter.

A laugh startled out of him at the sight of the girl running towards him, holding a disgruntled looking bullfrog to her chest, the poor creature nearly the size of her head. "No, that's not a fish, Sweety," he explained, still shaking with mirth as she held the amphibian up, "That there is called a 'Frog.'"

"Frok?" she wondered, cuddling the bulbous critter close when it tried to wiggle free of her grasp, its webbed feet kicking ineffectively.

"That's right, Fro-g," he enunciated, making sure to put emphasis on the 'g,' and leaning down to gently pry her arms off the struggling beast, "Now don't hold him too tight, Skylar, you'll hurt him if you squeeze…"

She startled when the frog jumped out of her loosened grip, a surprised look on her face as it hopped away. "Whoa, Boom!" she exclaimed with a laugh, clearly unaffected by the loss of her catch and more entertained by how it was moving than anything, "Frok go faaaast!"

"It sure does," Newgate agreed, chortling as the girl hopped around in an attempt at imitation, though of course with all the grace and coordination of a two year old, "Maybe someday you can go fast like the frog too."

"Yea!" she cheered, bending her knees and hopping repeatedly until she reached his leg, clutching the fabric of his pants to steady herself.

He observed carefully as she climbed, cradling a hand beneath her in the case that she lost her grip and fell. According to Ace, she was already beginning to exhibit the same strength he displayed as a child, lifting objects far beyond what any other two year old would be able to feasibly move. It was unanimously agreed by his crew, that the child would have to be watched at all times and taught about the necessary application of her strength.

It was going to be a learning process for everyone, that's for sure.

Finally making it to his knee and a little out of breath, Skylar plunked herself down, her legs dangling a bit as she looked out to the river, clearly taking a rest from all her exploring. Newgate's heart warmed at the sight, glad that this little ray of sunshine took such comfort in being in his presence… Without thinking much of it, he reached up into the branches above him and plucked a single flower, taking a moment to delicately place the bundle in her hair.

"S'ank you," Skylar said with a sweet smile, tilting her head to rest against his hand as she regarded him fondly, "I love you, Pappi…"

Newgate choked up a little at that, surprised at the admission. He hadn't heard verbal confirmation of affection in… well… _many_ years now. It was something that was always just implied from his crew to him, an understanding that had never needed words before now. He was admittedly stunned by how much it affected him, his heart warming to near bursting.

He beamed and let out a booming laugh–joy and a little bit of embarrassment dancing in his chest with every guffaw. Truly this child was a wonder, a treasure he was honored to have the opportunity to meet in his lifetime–with only a few words she was able to chase away the dark clouds plaguing his mind, his hopes for the future blooming in full.

"I love you too, little one," he replied in kind, meaning every word. He wiped away a smudge of dirt with his thumb and Skylar giggled as she let him dote on her.

 _Truly, this old man is blessed…_ he thought, his cheeks pinching with how hard he smiled–feeling lighter than he had in days… weeks.

 _The future is looking bright… old friend._


	30. Wingman

**A/N:** Spoons no! Spoons yes...

* * *

"What? Have you never kissed a girl before?" Spoons teased, leaning against the fence post, with the widest grin he'd ever seen, her fist planted into her cheek as she focused on him instead of the dancing villagers.

Ace felt his face heat, his response coming out less assured than what he'd been hoping, "Of—of course I have!"

She raised a brow, clearly skeptical. "Oh? How'd that turn out?"

He winced, his face twisting as he recalled that particular moment. "Uhh... It was… _awkward,"_ he admitted, scratching the back of his head.

Spoons expression went into a flat deadpan. "Awkward."

"Yeahhhh... That's what I said..." Ace grumbled, glancing away and very much _not_ wanting to be having this conversation right now. He felt weird. This _was_ weird—Spoons needed to _stop_ making this weird.

He could practically feel her eyes on the back of his head. _What the hell did she want?_

She snorted. "Look, just give her a little peck. What's the worse that could happen?"

Ace nearly fell off the fence, his arms flailing for a second as he re-balanced only to sputter at the strangely proud stare of the white-haired woman. "Wh-bwh-ARE YOU INSANE?! I CAN'T JUST _DO_ THAT!"

Spoons picked at her ears, grumbling about volume control before giving him an annoyed glare. "You two have been dancing around the subject the entire time we've been here, just—" her voice dropped, apparently changing her mind about something midspeech, "—You know what? _Fuckit._ "

And with that, Ace's eyeballs nearly rolled out of his sockets when Spoons about faced and shouted at the top of her lungs, "HEY CLEO! ACE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE!"

His shoulders sunk, Ace practically wilting into himself as various members of the crowd hooted and whistled, several members of the crew among them. He could see, across the dance floor, Cleo in a similar state, her glowing face in her hands as her friends giggled at her side.

His face felt like it was aflame and he had to fight the urge to hide himself just as Cleo did.

Spoons slapped him in the ass, startling him enough to make him squeak and tense up. "Go get're, Hotshot~"


	31. Shotgun Wedding

**anonymous asked:** Are you taking prompts? If so, how about a Au of Leith meeting Ace in a different way and the marines mistaking their interactions as a married couple?

* * *

Years ago, if you'd told Leith that she would die and be reborn as the eldest princess of a desert island nation, she would have laughed in your face, spit in your coffee, and told you to get lost before she called the cops–throwing a hard boot to the ass for good measure.

After having lived in those very specific and rather outlandish circumstances however…

Well…

"Princess! Princess, where are you?!"

She didn't like to talk about it.

Skirting around the corner and into the crowd, Leith blended in with the efficiency of someone who'd practiced this _way_ too often. She took care not to fiddle with her headscarf, not wanting to appear conspicuous or nervous in the face of passing scrutiny. If this was to work, she had to act natural.

Like a ghost she passed through the masses, confident even as one of her royal entourage passed her by in a panic, the poor man damn near in tears. She smiled at a merchant, taking a moment to admire the collection of fruits before her.

The black wig she was wearing under the scarf itched like crazy, the curly hairs against her cheeks tickling the skin just enough that it made her fingers twinge in reflex. She wanted to take it off, but the extra precaution was necessary…

Her natural color was far too noticeable.

Though to be honest, "natural" was probably stretching it–but there was no other word for the bizarre head of white hair she'd toted in this new life.

That was a subject for another time…

She thanked the merchant for his time, placing several hundred Beri in his waiting palm for the purchases and trotted away, a basket of limes in hand. _So far so good,_ she thought, keeping her pace leisurely and her eyes trained on the harbor–a placid smile on her face.

 _Almost there._

"Wha–Shit! Lady LOOK OUT!"

Leith blinked, slow on the uptake. "Ah?"

The next several moments were likened to being hit by a truck, the tumble that followed so dizzying that the market colors swirled like a kaleidoscope. Limes flew everywhere and carefully constructed disguises came undone with each impact with the earth. The source of the tackle tried their best to shield her from the majority of the spill, muscular limbs cradling her body close.

When they finally rolled to a stop in an alley, Leith became intimately aware of two very important things:

One: that the mass of muscle and flesh above her was _heavy_.

And Two: That a snoozing face was planted firmly against her chest, a bombastically orange colored hat obscuring the owner's features.

Leith scowled. _Of_ course _this would happen,_ she thought, glaring up at the eggshell blue of Alabasta's ever clear sky and trying her damnedest to breathe despite the crushing weight on her diaphragm, _Just my fucking luck._

No doubt Chaka was going to catch wind of this soon enough, she could already sense him heading this direction. The Head of the Royal Guard always had a nose for trouble when she was involved and it didn't help a damn thing that he was a Jackal Zoan either!

Why was her life so damn difficult? All she wanted was to be free…

 _Wait,_ she froze, an idea beginning to form as a wicked grin slowly wormed its way onto her face, _I can use this._

Meanwhile, the man on top of her groaned, shifting his weight as he finally regained consciousness. He seemed a little disoriented at first, moving slowly as he planted his hands on either side of her body to leverage himself. He blinked groggily down at her, his freckled face adorable among the mass of mussed hair.

Portgas D. Ace: Currently the captain of the Spade Pirates and soon to be Second Commander of the Whitebeards.

 _Perfect._

"Oh my~ Can I help you, little boy?" Leith purred seductively, quirking her brows.

The look on his face was priceless, his eyes bugging out of their sockets as he finally registered their awkward positioning. A strangled squeak escaped him, his muscles tensing, and Leith latched herself to him like a lamprey before he could spring away, her hands fisting into the fabric of his shirt with an iron grip.

"Aw! Where are you going?" she whined loudly, clinging to him despite his frantic attempts to stand, pretending to not know that the clomping of approaching booted feet had nothing to do with his struggles, "Don't be embarrassed honey~ It's just like we practiced!"

"What. Are. You. Talking. About?" Ace hissed, only to sputter when she slapped off his hat and and rammed her wig into his face, throwing the top layer of her robes around him for good measure.

"Just follow my lead," she whispered back, unfastening a few more ties on her dress to make sure she looked appropriately inappropriate, before promptly pouncing on him just as two different factions rounded the bend on either side.

"Princess Lili, cease this non–WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" was Chaka's response upon seeing their provocative position on the ground, his roar echoing to the gathered marines and a few onlookers on the other end, making everyone stop in their tracks.

The stunned silence that followed was broken by the wet smack of lips disconnecting as Leith gave a lewd moan. "O-oh no~" she breathed, giving a bashful glance at her long time protector before performing a theatrical shriek and crushing Ace's face into her bosom, "Kyaa! Dearest husband we've been found out!"

" _HUSBAND?!_ " Everyone shrieked.

The poor pirate in question gave a confused, "whumph?!" against her chest, still too dazed from the surprise kiss to really make any useful response. Leith wrapped her arms around his head, shielding his features from curious eyes and wailed piteously–ensuring that all attention was on her.

"Y-you–this…" Chaka stammered, his entire body shaking in embarrassment, fury, and dawning realization as the situation allowed him to formulate certain conclusions, his eyes wide and darting, "It all makes sense…This… _This_ is why you've been sneaking out at night and dodging your guards? You've eloped and you… you…!"

He clearly couldn't even say it and Leith hid a smirk, nearly bursting into laughter when a nearby marine shouted, "Fornicate in public?"

Chaka's expression turned fierce, face reddening until it turned like a ripe plum. "Yes, _thank you!"_ he snarled sarcastically, stepping around Leith and her unwitting victim to stand between them and the gathering crowd, giving his charge _some_ dignity, "There is nothing more to see here and I suggest you disperse immediately!"

Her royal entourage, having finally caught up, took care of the rest. The curious masses were scattered, the local marines forced into continuing their fruitless search for a pirate they'd never find.

Leith was careful to keep the grin off her face, pretending to be contrite as Chaka lectured the both of them about "public indecency" and the "consequences of deviant behavior unfitting for royalty." Her eyes darted to Ace's meeting his confused glance with a sly wink that had him flushing.

" _You're_ a princess?" he growled later, once Chaka finished berating them and the entire retinue began their escort back to the capital.

An impish smile curled her lips and Leith chuckled, threading her arm through his own. "Princess Nefertari Lili at your service," she crooned, pulling him down so his ear was level with her mouth, "But you can call me Leith, my _Dear Husband~_ "


	32. She kinda sat next to him once

**anonymous asked:** Can you plz write one where leith meets luffy for the first time?

* * *

Leith gave an appreciative sigh against her glass, savoring the smooth flavor on her tongue. "Now _this_ is a proper drink," she crooned, feeling her cheeks flush pleasantly, "If we had this on the ship I think I'd actually be able to die happy."

A clattering thud sounded to her right, shaking the table with the impact. Leith ignored it, taking a deep sniff of the spirit before downing another gulp, this one longer than the last.

"I-is that man dead?"

"He just… in mid-conversation…"

"The desert strawberry. Do you think…?"

"Mnh! So good!" Leith mewled loudly, cutting off the concerned patrons around her and slamming the empty glass down on the counter. "Hey! Hey, bossman!" she called, snapping her fingers and planting her knees on the stool so she sat taller and could lean across the counter, "I want another one!"

To the man's credit, he only appeared moderately shaken, scooting away from her companion–who was currently performing a masterful ostrich impression into his rice pilaf–and refilling her glass with only a minor tremor in his hands. She thanked him, knocking back the drink like it was going out of style and proffering the glass for another refill… He set the bottle in front of her after that.

"Ma'am," he pleaded in a half whisper, wringing his hands as his eyes darted to the seat next to her, "You shouldn't linger so close…"

"Hm?" Leith hummed, squinting around the bottle to give the proprietor a speculative stare, "Why's that?"

"Your friend…" he began, scooting closer with a wary glance to the friend in question. Leith followed his gaze, her brows quirking as she finally took note of the thing she suspected, but chose to ignore. Ace wasn't even making a single whuffle of a snore, he was so entrenched in his meal. "He ate the desert strawberry, I'm sorry to say Miss… but he's dead."

Leith stared.

"Naw," she drawled, knocking back another swig, "He 'ent dead." And to prove her point, reached over and grabbed a fistful of Ace's hair to wrench him out of his plate, exposing his snoring face, nose stuffed full of rice and sauce. "See?" She pointed.

"HE'S ASLEEP?!"

Leith picked at her ear with a pinky, wincing as the entire restaurant flew into a unified uproar. _What is with people and group reactions?_ she thought, while out loud she just chirped a careless "Yeeeep~" and promptly dropped Ace back into his food, the plates around him rattling yet again.

"W-what the hell lady…" someone muttered, apparently dumbfounded.

She shrugged, merely continuing to enjoy her drink as Ace promptly jerked awake, taking a gasping breath of air as he removed himself from the suffocating embrace of his rice. "Welcome back to the realm of the living, Hot Stuff," Leith snickered at his confused state as he glanced about and offered him a napkin, which he promptly soiled to wipe his face off.

"Damn," Ace grunted, adjusting his hat as he turned around to blink at the gaping patrons of the restaurant. He glanced at Leith. "I fell asleep?"

"Sure as shit," she slurred, feeling more than a little tipsy now that she'd been taking little sips of her bottle, her face pleasantly warm now. She grinned, and gave Ace a giggle. "Ya shoulda seen it, they thought you were dead~"

He gave her a _look._ The kind he always gave when her division mates were doing things they weren't supposed to be doing. Uh oh. "Are you drunk?" he asked, glaring at the bottle resting on the countertop with her hand conspicuously around its neck.

"Nooo?" Leith pronounced slowly, dragging the bottle to the side in hopes that he wouldn't notice.

He did.

Ace made a faintly constipated expression. "Spoons, we talked about this," he groaned, chewing around the last remaining piece of his steak with a dogged determination that only those of his ilk could muster. She was certain it was entirely gristle… His expression darkened. "Remember the _last time_ you got blackout drunk?"

Leith wrinkled her nose. "No, _duh!_ That's what blackout drunk _means_ , you don't remember diddly–"

"Exactly! _Gimme the bottle!_ " Ace snarled, surprising her with his fervor as he lunged forward in an attempt to swipe the sweet nectar from her fingers. She squawked, reeling, and tried to rebuff his efforts, planting her palm in his face as they both teetered precariously on their stools.

"S'mine!" Leith howled, stretching her arm back as far as it could feasibly go, so he couldn't reach her prize, pressing her foot in the center of his chest, "I earned it, fair and square!"

"Dammit Spoons, we're not doing this again!" he grunted, grabbing at the arm braced against his face while also straining to grab the bottle–the task clearly made difficult by her contorted position and foot in his sternum. She cackled uproariously as he panted and whined, clearly distraught by whatever-it-was she'd manage to do in the past to make him freak out right now.

Actually, now that she thought about it, his face _was_ a little flushed–

"I guess you two don't have a problem making a scene in public," a new voice rumbled across the dining hall, freezing the pair in place and making everyone in the vicinity swivel around to eye the new arrival. Leith wrinkled her nose as the acrid odor of burning tobacco reached her nostrils, eyes watering as the scent became overwhelming.

 _Who in their right mind smokes two cigars at once?_

"What business does "Fire Fist" Ace and "Songbird" Leith have in this country, huh?" the smoking abomination asked, shoulders stiff as he took a stance in the center of the room, directly standing in their way to the door.

"Fire Fist and Songbird?" someone in the crowd wondered.

"Oh God! I recognize those names," another hissed, "They're Whitebeard Pirates!"

"I knew I recognized those tattoos!"

While the rabble devolved into a series of disturbed mutterings, Leith focused her brain into sobriety. Her expression turned serious as she tipped her stool forward, the wooden legs making a loud _clack_ as they touched the hardwood. "Oi, Turbo," she began, noting that Ace too took the time to adjust his seating, his back now facing the counter, "Jog my memory for me. Who's the cigar daddy?"

The man in question made a choking noise.

Ace snorted, amused, and slotted a toothpick between his lips. "Don't tell me you've never heard of the White Hunter," he mocked, rolling his shoulders back as he rested his elbows on the bar.

"Oh, _that_ guy," she replied dully, taking another swig of her well-earned alcohol, having clued in to what was gonna happen in the next few seconds, and was already feeling tired. Her senses prodded into the streets outside the building, pinging off a rapidly approaching signature. "Doesn't he have a hate boner for your brother?"

Faintly she heard, "Gumo Gumo no~" and tilted her stool back again.

Ace grimaced and closed his eyes in exasperation. "Please don't _ever_ lump my brother and 'boner' in the same sentence again–"

"ROCKET!" a raucous voice bellowed, the body of a teenage boy slamming into Cigar Guy with a force that sent both him and Ace through the bar and the back wall. The resulting crashes and bangs indicating that at least _several_ walls fell victim to their momentum.

Leith spun in place, dancing on one of each of the stool's legs before coming to rest on the floor again, having just narrowly avoided joining in on the domino effect.

Vaguely she noted that Luffy was harassing the proprietor into feeding him, but she didn't bother interjecting since she now had an opportunity to finish her drink.

 _Cuz to hell with being sober for this._

"STRAW HAT!"

 _Oop, and there's my cue,_ Leith thought, dropping her bottle and letting it shatter on the floor. She staggered off her stool, and shakily stretched her muscles, her head so amazingly fuzzy feeling that she felt like floating.

Or _was_ floating… Whatever.

As Luffy ducked out the door with his cheeks stretched obscenely full of food, Leith turned on her heel and decked the Cigar Dude in the jaw, sending him into the tables at the side. The expression on his face was priceless, and she couldn't help but giggle drunkenly as he gaped at her.

"Y-you… You _hit_ me?!" he exclaimed in surprise, cradling the progressively reddening welt on his face.

Leith leered, uncurling her Armament covered fist with a menacing smugness. "Yeah~ Pretty cool, huh?"

He snarled in response, but instead of lunging at her, dispersed into a billowing mass of white smoke.

Leith wobbled as it shot past, her nose wrinkling as the smell curled her nostril hairs. She bent down to watch as it rolled between her legs and zoomed through the front door, no doubt after the Boy Wonder. "Oi, oi, oi!" she called, straightening up with a minor stumble and attempting to give chase, slamming her shoulder into the door frame instead of walking through it when she got that far, "Chasing down little boys is _not_ cool!"

Preferring not to hoof it through the crowded streets, she instead leapt onto the nearest rooftop, using the doorway canopies as springboards. In the distance she could see Luffy, the boy narrowly dodging away from a woman swinging a sword and leaping to the roof himself. Grinning, Leith concentrated her energy into the balls of her feet, boosting herself across half the distance. Which was good enough for the moment…

That was until Smokey the Bear leapt up beside her, and did a double take when she gave him a salute.

"Howdy partner!" Leith crowed, jabbing at his eye with an elbow shrouded in Armament.

"Shit!" he growled, catching it with his palm and skidding to a halt when she followed it up with a knee into his chin. His teeth snapped through the ends of his cigars and he staggered, reeling from the strike.

She took that moment to unsheathe her hunting dagger, coating it to the tip in Armament as she swung towards him yet again, giving him little time to recover. He hissed as she cut through his thick jacket, and Leith gave him a wicked grin as a line of red splashed across the rooftop. "Why don'tcha pick on someone your own weight class, eh?" she snarked, dancing around him as she flipped the knife from one hand to the other, feinting left and right like serpent.

He recoiled, spitting out the pieces of cigar and setting himself into a boxing stance as he warily eyed her movements. "How are you doing that?" he growled, flicking his sharp eyes over her, his hand reaching for the handle of his jutte.

Leith merely smirked and zipped into the opening, her eyes glowering beneath her lashes as she gazed up into his shocked face. "Wouldn't you like to know?" she rasped, blade flashing out faster than he could respond.

The scent of blood was heavy in the air.

"CAPTAIN SMOKER!"


	33. A Wild Misadventure

**A/N:** Had an idea over the break that just wouldn't go away, and thus... this happened.

* * *

With an sluggishness that she normally only associated with a hangover, Leith returned to the realm of consciousness, confused as to how she lost it to begin with. Her eyelids were akin to lead weights in their sockets and it took a few too many tries before she could finally peek one open, the skin peeling apart with an aching slowness.

A plaintive groan gurgled up from her chest as her sight refused to adjust to the brightly lit room, so she just closed her eyes and rolled over. Her nose now cocked to the side as she mashed her face against the pillow… but despite her discomfort, she didn't attempt to move again—her body too sore.

She was warm, the bedding trapping the heat more than she was used to.

And the sheets smelled… different—not the usual detergent her crew used. It was too crisp and woody, a stark contrast to the faintly floral odor she was familiar with.

Leith furrowed her brows, trying to identify the scent and wondering when the hell they switched brands.

"What are you doing in my bed?" A husky voice questioned.

If it were possible to spontaneously turn to stone without a Devil Fruit, she would have no doubt done so on a dime. Exhaustion be damned, Leith snapped her eyes open, gaze darting to the owner of that masculine voice. Her breath stilled upon meeting irises of liquid amber in a stare down that read of sweet retribution if she didn't answer right the fuck now.

So she, of course, did the opposite, and promptly bolted out of the bed like a bat out of hell, gibbering senselessly in surprise...

And promptly tripped up around a stray corner of sheet and bashed her head against a dresser.

"Fffuuck!" Leith spit, curling in on herself as she cradled her throbbing skull, her body temporarily disabled as her nerves lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.

 _Ow! Ow! Ow! Shit-Fuck-Damn! That fucking hurts!_

"Hey," the man grumbled, tone a little more awake than before, and sounding distinctly unhappy about it, "I asked you a question."

"How should _I_ fucking know?" Leith snarled, wincing as she rubbed at the swelling bump on her scalp. It stung like a son-of-a-bitch. "I _just_ woke up, gimme a minute!"

The guy grunted and she heard the floorboards creak. She tensed as her proximity alert trilled in warning, her ears picking up the sound of his bare feet prowling across the floor, nearly silent—a clue that the man was well-trained—and drawing closer.

She was fucked. Her body, despite the adrenaline, still felt too sluggish… which meant she was vulnerable.

And in her experience, vulnerability meant certain death—

"Here, let me see," she heard him murmur, his voice dropping the authoritative tone as she sensed him kneel before her, just out of kicking range. He was being wary as well. Smart man. "It sounded like you hit your head hard."

"'M not bleeding," Leith protested, scooting away and trying to focus her eyes, blinking rapidly when everything remained blurry. For a moment, she only glimpsed the fuzzy shape of a man crouching in front of her, before the image cleared and she got the full frontal.

Stripped to the waist, grey sweatpants, rippling muscles, curling tattoos in the shapes of hearts…

 _Wait a minute…_ She froze, eyes wide.

Yellow eyes. Check.

Dark hair. Check.

Broody bad boy attitude. Double check.

She was staring at Trafalgar Law.

 _Oh, fuck me,_ Leith thought, suddenly remembering the circumstances that brought her here and groaning into her hands, _This isn't happening._

Bad enough she got rocketed across half the planet by a man with paw hands, _now_ she had to contend with the motherfucking _Surgeon of Death_ in an extremely suspicious set of circumstances—Because she'll be damned lucky if a giant paw-shaped hole in a hotel ceiling and a mysterious woman falling in a stranger's bed _didn't_ warrant any concern from the tremendously paranoid... Hah! Fat chance!

Why Kuma decided to send her here, she hadn't the slightest clue—Not that it mattered too much, because the next time she saw that bear-suited bastard she was gonna kill him.

Heedless of her internal monologue, Law continued his observations, apparently content to watch her writhe about on the floor as she threw a fit. "Perhaps not, but you don't need to be bleeding to have a concussion," he blinked languidly, those vibrant eyes of his a little too piercing for her comfort, his chin tucking to the side as he glared at her through dark lashes, suspicious, "Though you appear pretty lucid to me."

Leith ceased her squirming and fluttered her lashes, playing coy. "You think I'm pretty~?" she cooed, performing her absolute best impression of a ditzy valley girl.

He was… not impressed. Mouth pulling taut into a single line, he uttered a flat, "No."

Her persona melted off like candle wax at his bland response, lips puckering into a pout. "Well, aren't you just a charmer. Bet the ladies can't get enough of you," she grumbled, blowing her hair out of her face and running her fingers through it so it stayed that way. Looked like her time had run out, it was time for the interrogation. "Fine, ask your questions."

"Who are you? How did you get here?" Law started, eyes narrowing when she opened her mouth, "And don't lie. You'll regret it if you do."

She clicked her jaw shut at that, and gave him a shrewd look, her expression neutral as she quickly darted a glance over his form. Leith made note of the flash of metal that was quickly hidden in his fist, no doubt armed with a scalpel.

True though it might be that he was at a disadvantage at such close proximity, Leith still didn't fancy the idea of risking a tangle with a man who could literally dismember her with a flick of his wrist. All he'd have to do is catch her within his sphere of influence and she was done for… as not even her Armament would be quick enough to protect her.

Observation Haki, as usual, was to be her trump card.

 _A pickle, indeed,_ she thought, mind churning with potential strategies despite the danger, _But not insurmountable. No one said these truths need to be whole._

"I'm just a humble rover, nothing too special," she admitted, and at his raised brow, Leith merely shrugged and rested her chin in the palm of her hand, legs criss-crossed below. "I ran afoul of someone a few days ago that had some sort of transportation Devil Fruit, thus the uh… _lovely_ addition to your room." She pointed to the unconventional skylight, which he notably didn't glance at. Darn.

His scowl deepened, the dark circles under his eyes following suit. He really looked like he could go for a few more hours of sleep. "And why here specifically? Am I really supposed to believe you were dropped here by chance?"

 _Ah, there's the paranoia._ Leith snorted, giving the resident doctor a wry quirk of her brows. "Couldn't tell ya, the guy didn't exactly scream his name and motivations from the mountaintops," she said, motioning with her free hand lazily, "He was a big fucker. Vaguely bear-like in a certain light..."

And while it was false that she didn't know who Kuma was, her statement _was_ indeed true—the Paw Man really had just come out of nowhere and decided to bring on the pain. The _'why'_ was a mystery to everyone.

She really hoped her crew was okay.

Law glowered, shoulders tensing, a move that sent a klaxon through Leith's brain and forced her to focus, focus, _focus—_ "How do I know you're telling the truth?" he asked, his voice dripping with ominous threat, the words seeming to come from his lips slowly in Leith's Observation enhanced eyes.

Leith smirked, movements smooth as she leaned into his space. "Frankly, you don't," she admitted, her tone dipping into a low rasp, "In the end, you'll believe whatever you want. But you've got another thing coming if you think I'm gonna dance to your tune. I've got problems with authority."

He didn't like that, his expression turning dark. "What is your name?"

"Gonna ask me on a date?" she teased, grin turning wicked as she leaned back.

Unamused, he hissed between gritted teeth, "Answer the question."

She clicked her tongue and adjusted her leg positioning, planting one foot flat on the floor with the other tucked behind it, making sure the movement appeared as languid as possible—draping her arm off her knee to really sell the look. Few people had the capability to get to their feet from a position like this, but Leith had practice and Haki on her side…

And she was tired of playing.

So it was with the utmost confidence she boldly stated, "Make me."

Leith saw his lips move a moment before they actually did so and she _moved_ , on her feet and lashing out before his hand twisted around in that oh-so-familiar pose. Two strikes, one in each shoulder, in the cluster of nerves that flowed next to the rotator cuff, effectively stunning the limbs. He coughed, surprised and Leith took that moment to dig her thumb into his wrist, loosening his grip on the scalpel and allowing it to drop to the floor.

As a finisher, she clapped a hand over his mouth silencing him as they tumbled to the floor.

"All you Fruit users are the same," she growled, a humorless smile on her face as she ground a boot into his other arm, pinning it, "Your need to use somatic and oral components are the biggest fucking telegraph on the planet."

He snarled into her palm, long legs whipping back to knee at her unprotected back. Leith leapt, using his face as a springboard to somersault and plant her feet against against the wall, leaping back out the hole she'd come in. She heard him curse and shout for his crew at her back.

The moment her skin hit the outside air, Leith knew for a fact she was woefully underdressed for the weather. Snow crunched underfoot, the sky above layered in banks of grey clouds, and her breath steamed with every exhale. The city smelled of woodsmoke and creosote, a sea of chimneys for as far as she could see in the smog. Leith wrinkled her nose, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, eyes watering faintly as she inhaled the acrid odor.

Senses screamed, heralding the arrival of a rapidly approaching signature. Leith swiftly ducked as a massive orange and white form leaped overhead, foot extended and kiai-ing like a banshee.

 _Bear._ She thought as an aside, blinking as she righted herself again and saw that, indeed, a white bear was poised before her in an exaggerated crane stance, growling deep in his throat.

Leith stared, flight forgotten as her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Oh my god, you're so CUTE!"


	34. A Revolutionary Reveal

**rboooks asked: "okay but after reading Luffy meeting Leith I kinda want to see her meeting Sabo. Would you be willing to write that? if not it's tots okay!"**

 **A/N:** And so it is written...

* * *

Sabo liked to believe he was simple man who enjoyed simple things.

A balmy breeze, shining sun, and a cool drink of tea in hand were a very simple things. Very _enjoyable_ things. He was content to just let the day pass without incident, reclining in his patio chair in the shade of the restaurant's balcony and watching the people meander in the street nearby.

It was peaceful.

Quiet.

He could finally relax.

Only fate, it seemed, had other ideas…

A thundering _CRACK_ and the air rocked with the weight of an explosion, the shockwave visibly warping the surrounding area as the Marine base lit up like a volcano. Something screamed through the air, and Sabo only had a moment to duck before something black and white punched a hole in the wall closest to him like a cannonball, scattering tableware and crunching floorboards.

The building groaned ominously.

And strangely, as Sabo cautiously peeked into the hole it'd made, so had the cannonball.

Only it wasn't…

"FUCK!" The clear and very obvious _person_ roared as they uncurled and slapped their hands on the cracked hardwood, the black scrawl of Armament Haki weeping off of them like water, clearly having played a pivotal role in keeping the irate woman alive. White hair bristled around her head like a mane, whipping about as she quickly inspected her surroundings, grumbling and cursing while she picked herself up out of the floor.

 _What the hell?!_ Sabo wondered, eyes wide and brow twitching as the strange woman stretched and muttered about killing "that fuckin' bonehead," her bare legs a little too exposed to be anything but a pirate. Scars painted along her exposed skin adding to the theory, and Sabo was just beginning to wonder who she was when she turned to face him.

As in _him._ Directly. Head whipping about like she heard him blink.

 _Fuck._ He thought, spine straightening as those hazel eyes narrowed. Sabo knew exactly who this was, the scar was a dead giveaway.

Songbird Leith jabbed her finger towards him, and Sabo leapt back, putting himself into a more defensible position. He'd heard plenty of tales about this woman, too many for any sort of comfort, and he didn't doubt for a moment that—

"Wait a fuckin' minute, I recognize that ugly hat," Songbird drawled, completely blindsiding him.

He sputtered, affronted, "Ph-fwah-kgh— _Ugly?!_ "

"Yeh," she chirped, a sunny grin lighting her face like she hadn't just insulted his most prized possession, hands on her hips as she tilted her head inquisitively, "Now what was the name…?"

Sabo bristled, insulted yet wary, remembering from reports that the woman was a loose cannon and couldn't be trusted on appearance alone, being far too unpredictable and acting on what seemed to be pure whimsy.

She was dangerous.

One hand had moved to pick at her bottom lip, which had jutted out in a pout as she thought. People were shouting in the background, running to the Marine base that was still in flames, trying their damnedest to put it out. The people of the restaurant had long fled after her arrival, knowing all too well that trouble was afoot.

Songbird pointed at him again, accusatory as she barked, "SOBA!"

Sabo stiffened.

Silence fell between them a moment.

"Frick, that's not right…" she growled, crossing her arms and bouncing one of her legs in frustration, "That's a type of noodle, isn't it? I could have sworn it was somethin' like that, fuckin' hell—"

"Do I _know_ you?!" Sabo blurted, unable to take it anymore, the woman was frustrating the hell out of him. Was she here to fight or just play games and drive him insane?

It seemed like the latter since she simply smiled that saccharine grin of hers and ran a hand through her hair. "Oh, trust me, honey," she simpered, voice dripping in wicked amusement that sounded starkly different from her cheerful demeanor from before, dark and sultry, "You'd know if you knew me~ Now, as for you, there's someone I want you to meet."

Sabo brought up his hands, shifting into Ryusoken stance, tensing as she slowly stalked toward him, her slight stature now graceful and footsteps silent. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Her smile this time… was anything but friendly.

"Careful, little boy," she hissed, eyes far too bright and hungry with violence, "I like to play a little rough."

Which was about the time that 190lbs of half-dressed flesh and muscle slammed into her with a cheerful cry of, "SPOONS!" Leaving Sabo wholly out of the loop and feeling strangely out of place, as the man in the orange hat babbled and shook the very dangerous and extremely disconcerting woman about like a ragdoll. "I was so worried, you weren't there when the explosion went off and I thought I'd lost you, but then you were _flying_ and I chased you all the way over here and there were so many people—"

Finally, she palmed his face. "Ace! Shut the fuck up for a sec!" Songbird… or Spoons? Sabo wasn't sure who she was at this point, but what he _did_ know was that she was trying her damnedest to twist the guy's head around, frantically motioning at him as she did so. "Quick! Look! Look! Lookit! The Noodle Man!"

"Ow! Shit, stop it! You're gonna break my neck! _Who?_ " The man asked, twisting around to see what the whole fuss was about—

Sabo's whole world froze.

He knew that face.

Ace… that was…

The other man… Ace, also seemed to be in the same boat, their gazes locked in a recognition that was so wonderful and terrible and aching that Sabo could scarcely breath.

"S-sabo?" he said, dark eyes practically shimmering with emotion.

And then everything fell to black.

—

"Well shit." Leith drawled, as both men fainted right out, eyes rolled into the back of their skulls and their bodies tumbling to the floor in a heap. She sighed, exasperated, staring up at the ceiling as if entreating the vaulting for guidance was going to solve anything. "That went tits up… Go in for a lovely brotherly reunion and instead I get a double KO; so much for that."

She toed at Ace's butt, kicking it a little in hopes that he'd wake up. No such luck. Just bounce.

"Overdramatic assholes."

Stepping over Ace, Leith made her way over to Sabo, crouching down on her heels to get a good look at his face. He looked just like she remembered, curly blond hair and prominent burn scar over his left eye. She admitted to being a little disappointed to not having received a chance to fight him before Ace arrived, but she supposed it was probably for the best… Fighting your best friend's long-lost brother upon first meeting probably wasn't going to leave behind a great impression.

Still… it would have been fun.

"Welp, I guess it's a kidnapping then," Leith sighed, standing up and rolling her shoulders, stretching her arms across her chest, "I'd say I'm sorry, sweetie, but that'd be a fuckin' lie."


End file.
